Sheldon in Wonderland
by wolfofsheep
Summary: "If a person loves only one other person and is indifferent to all others; his love is not love but a symbiotic attachment or an enlarged egotism." -Erich Fromm- Sheldon was a man who wanted nothing but his solitude and structure, but when he collides with a messenger from another world; he's shown that change is just as bad and whimsical as he thought it would be. For Jislane35
1. Are we the players or the pieces?

_A/N_

_And here we are again! This story is for the great and awesome and other words that just make her blush with excitement; __**Jislane35. **__She never ceases to be a positive force in this fandom and if you do not know her... GO KNOW HER!_

_I've always loved the idea of making an Alice and Wonderland style BBT story and so I am going to juggle this along with my other story and I really really REALLY need this to get out of my head. _

_I hope you enjoy this, chika! I had fun writing it. To you, m'dear! (holds up her cup) _

* * *

**_Are we the players or the pieces?_**

_Simple actions have very real consequences. A touch, a breath, a word, or even a step could bring us closer to our demise. Chess is a perfect game to illustrate this. It teaches us to 'look ahead'. To make wise decisions that will lead to victory in the end. Along this path, we learn the proper time to sacrifice or when to charge forward. It is a game that many believe could mold the minds of great leaders, but also, terrible ones, as well. Though the chess pieces meet their fates far faster than we would, it is still a faint reminder of how immediate our choices could be. _

_This story… this story is about a kiss. Just one… and where it took a very lost man. _

* * *

Sheldon was a man of habit. He was a man of rituals and observations and calculations and logic. Everything else was just redundancy of data and meant nothing to him. He had no transportation or means to get around other than his two scrawny legs and they got him to places he liked to go. Places he liked, not the people within them. He found no pleasure in communicating past services rendered and found no reason for it. He had no roommate and barely knew the neighbor by his floral gown. He was happy, for whatever that was worth.

Nothing changed in his life. He didn't like change. It was unpredictable and couldn't be accounted for in his calculations. He avoided it as much as possible. He even ate the same foods on the same corresponding days of the week. His life was just the way he wanted it to be.

Sheldon walked down the sidewalk with the pace needed to skip every crack in the pavement. He headed to the local pizza place that had the best ratio of cheese and sauce. It was only four blocks from his apartment building. He was only one block away when he was about to pass the same empty alley way with a peculiar mirror at the end of it that was embedded within the brick wall. He found it so perturbing that someone would've encased a mirror in brick so he would often close his eyes to not see it in his peripheral. He closed his eyes as he normally did and was bowled over towards the alley way.

"Ohmygod… ohmygod… ohmygod… Is he dead? Did I kill him? Oh my God! I killed a man AND I'm late. The queen'll have my head. Oh God Oh God… I can't breathe… I CAN'T BREATHE!" Sheldon's eyes squinted open and tried to focus on the man who was talking loudly to himself. He pushed himself up and his eyes went wide as he tried to focus them. It worked and the man before him came into focus just as he spun around and revealed himself. Sheldon screamed and backed away in pure shock. A man sized white rabbit with black tips on its ears and toes wearing thick goggles that made its blue eyes rimmed with pink skin look huge. The rabbit wore a purple and neon green checkered vest with a white shirt underneath that had a smeared black spade dripping down the shirt with a floating crown and scepter around it. The rabbit took a small hop with its long legs that seemed to bend underneath him and made its ears flop over to the side as it tilted its head then looked down at its wrist watch and bawled, "You're alive? Oh GOD, you're alive and now I'm late without casualties. She'll have my head… right on a fat, white plate."

The black tipped, white rabbit sprung off down the alley and Sheldon scrambled to his feet to get a better view. He watched the rabbit run into the wall and burst into a splash of water then drained right into the mirror.

Sheldon stared at the mirror for no more than 1.5 seconds before shook his head and checked himself for a concussion. He was developing a headache, but no sign of any brain damage. He looked one more time down the alley way before tossing it up to a delusion then made his way to the pizzeria.

* * *

Sheldon had eaten his pizza in peace and was making his way back to his apartment. It was now dark outside which was not his favorite time to walk for the fear of being robbed blindly. He hadn't forgotten the 'rabbit' incident because he couldn't forget anything. His eidetic memory was a mental description of his entire life and was easily accessible. He slowed down towards the entrance to the alleyway and stopped just short of it. He looked all around him for a trace of movement and only saw an old Asian woman looking back at him with a disturbed look on her face.

He took one step forward and kept his eyes open and was disappointed by the anticlimactic nothingness that occurred. He let out a sigh through his nose then moved forward. He looked up just in time to witness a woman manifest out of thin air… her pink and purple striped hoodie coming into focus first. Her hands were buried in the pouch pocket of the hoodie with purple ears on the hood. She wore tight black yoga pants and black low cut converses with pink and purple stripes. She looked up with teal colored, cat like eyes that illuminated eerily in the night's darkness. She took a large step forward and closed her eyes and took in a sniff. Blonde locks spilled from the hood and gave the woman much more allure than he anticipated. He swallowed deeply and took a few steps back and that made the cat woman smile, "Are you lost? No… you couldn't be. You are right where you knew you'd be. You are lost on the right path. How funny. Only a few find their way. Some don't recognize it when they do and some… some don't ever want to."

Sheldon jaw dropped as the woman vanished right before him and he just stared at the spot she once stood. Her voice sung out behind him and had him spinning in a jolt, "Do you think a dog is crazy?"

Sheldon found just her shoulder poking from the entrance to the alleyway and his eyebrows furrowed, "Wh-What?"

Her earred-hood edged towards him and her eyes found his, "You see, a dog growls when it's angry and wags its tail when it's pleased."

Sheldon shook his head, "What in the universe are you talking about, woman?"

She pushed off the wall to square up to him and he could see her glowing teal eyes. She tilted her head then straightened it up as a bright, pale smile was clearly visible in the darkness of her hood. It stretched wide and showed sharpened teeth of a carnivore then she spoke, "Now… take me for example; I growl when I'm pleased and wag my tail when I'm angry. That must make me the crazy one."

Suddenly, the silhouette of a long, fluffy tail twitched behind her. She picked up her legs to sit cross-legged in mid air and her body floated far above the ground. Sheldon took two steps back in utter horror and then turned and ran full speed in the direction of his apartment.

He had zoomed past the old Asian woman who gave him the same disturbed look as he jaywalked across the road and he burst through the doors of Los Robles. He nearly ran into the wall beside the stairs and struggled to catch his breath. What did he just witness? That woman spoke oddly and defied gravity right before him. It must have been some kind of prank. He began his trek up the stairs as his breathing began to calm.

He got up to his floor and pulled his keys out of his back pocket. He opened his door and immediately spun and closed the door and locked every lock and chain. He turned and his body froze in complete shock at the sight of pink and purple stripes standing on top of his lawn chair perfectly balanced. She hopped down and smiled, "You're sure to go somewhere if you only walk long enough."

He rolled his eyes. She was still talking in randomness. He spoke to her, slowly, "Why have you followed me? Better question, HOW did you follow me? And could you speak with meaning! This talking in lyric is quite redundant."

Her tail sashayed behind her then reached up and pushed the hood off her head. Sheldon looked shocked at how human she looked. Her ears were cat like and pointed up from where they normally would be. She had faint stripes of purple and pink in her skin. She gave a fanged smile and spoke, "A hero is no braver than an ordinary man, but he is brave for five minutes longer. You have been summoned to play the King of white in the game against the spade of Queens and men."

Sheldon swallowed and shook his head, "Summoned? Do you mean the white rabbit?"

The woman licked her feline lips, "Leonard."

Sheldon blinked, "Is that the rabbit's name?"

She nodded, "The Hoppity Homunculus serves the clock and brings the witch her beauty's stock. The Queen of Spades is a tyrant to say the least, who feeds the masses to her heartless beast. A man of height and eyes of blue, will holdfast to tried and true. He will save our land from the dark and pain, and leave this land never the same."

He groaned and turned to his door and ripped it wide open, "Now you're talking in rhyme? Get out!"

She sighed and turned around to look around his apartment, "Leonard told me he ran into you and you could see him. That normally doesn't happen with those on the other side of the mirror. Old Rabbit face moves to and fro from our world to yours with no problems. Makes him the Queen's little snuggle bunny." She turns to look at him and sighed again, "My name is Penny… I am the Cheshire Cat. I was sent by the Mad Hatter to find the champion against the Jabberwocky, or as we call him, Dark-n-Pain. Don't get me wrong, we've found about six like you, but they became just another snack. Forgive me if I'm sort of skeptical that you'd do any better. I mean you might have a chance if you stick to the back of his throat and choke him."

Sheldon bristled at the cat's disillusion about him and slammed his door hard, "If I'm not mistaken, you came to ME. You know nothing about what I can accomplish nor about what I could offer your… 'world'. The fact that you are part cat does not mean you have the right to spit your venom in attempts of trying to belittle me. Whoever told you that your pitch for getting someone to come and help you was perfect needs to be fed to your Jabberwocky."

Penny's eyes gleamed angrily, "I'm sorry, but I can't see what makes you any better than the others. You have no muscle structure, you run like a blind ostrich, and you dress like a golfer jumped into the sales bin at a bazaar. Forgive me if I don't see a fearless warrior behind your misshapen, breadstick arms."

Sheldon took a step to be almost nose to nose with the cat woman and he snarled, "Try me."

They stared intensely at one another. Neither blinked; neither backing down. He watched her pupils go from round to narrowing into a slit. This far from the beauty before him; he could see the vague stripes of pink and purple in her skin and even the pink and purple tint in her blonde hair. He swallowed and noticed that she smelled of honeysuckle and fresh rain and that made him think of home. He could feel a warmth building up in his chest and just let out a grunt. He shook his head lightly and rolled his eyes from hers, "It seems that you are just as disappointing as I am to you. If you'll excuse me, I have work tomorrow morning. You zapped yourself in here… you can smoke yourself out. Goodnight."

He moved towards his hallway to his bedroom and was paused by a roaring laugh. He frowned then turned to the cat who was now laying on her back with her body bent backwards with her blonde hair spiraled down like a golden waterfall as she floated in midair. The locks bounced as she continued to laugh while her tail ticked underneath her. He gave a low, intolerant growl, "What is so humorous?"

She rolled her body until her Converses tapped back down to the hardwood floor, "You really can't hide your feelings well, can you? Anyways… I can get you to my world very easily. All you have to do is close your eyes and bow your head."

He stepped down and right in front of her and shook his head, "Then what? You hail the mother ship?"

The blonde gave a laugh then shook her head, "Just do it."

Sheldon shook his head and closed his eyes softly then bowed his head until his chin touched his chest. He could hear the movement of the cat woman and soon felt her breath on his nose. His eyes shot open and were eye to eye with a floating femme fatale. She gave a smile before quickly wrapping her arms around his neck and her lips crashed against his. He didn't have time to enjoy it as the kiss exploded around them and jolted his brain until he was completely blacked out.

* * *

Sheldon's sight came back slowly. It focused and unfocused a few times before he realized he was sitting at the end of a very long table. He looked down at the tablecloth covered in whimsical duckies with umbrellas. Right in front of him was a large plate with a crack right down the middle of it. He had a fork with only one tooth left on it. Beside that was a spoon with a hole in it. He looked at the tea cup on its cup plate and noticed there was something in it. He tried out his body function and reached up to put a finger on the cup plate. He pulled it towards him and screamed very girly as a small, skinny, gray mouse popped up from inside his cup. It wore a tight plaid green, long sleeve shirt with a black dicky underneath but no pants. It had a brown, bowl cut hairdo with its ears poking from the side. It clumsily slid out of the cup and spoke with a squeaky voice, "Oh great, a hero that screams like a heroine. Can't wait to see him cry about getting a run in his panty hose when he sees the Jabberwocky."

Sheldon furrowed his brow and was about to say something when a voice carried over the table, "Now now, Howard… this man is a guest at my table. HE DOESN'T NEED TO KNOW THAT I SLEEP HERE AND SOMETHINGS DRAW FRIENDS ON THE TABLECLOTH WHEN I'M REALLY LONELY. Why did I say that? OH SHUT UP AND SAY HELLO TO OUR GUEST. I am, stop mongoosing me. YOU MEAN BADGERING. Shut it!"

Sheldon stared at the man at the other end of the table with a dirty, black top hat that had a card with the Rhode Island School of Design's logo on it that looked burnt on the edges held there by the blue ribbon around it. He wore a blue and black checkered zip up jacket with a grey hood and a black shirt with melting tea cup on it underneath it. He was tall with short hair and looked almost as awkward as he was making himself out to be not to mention a bit schizophrenic.

He watched the mouse dart down the table around the many foods and tea pots on the table. The mouse ran to woman who looked very petite. She looked to be a cross between a rabbit much like the white one he met, but this one was more human. She had no hair, but her fur was dirty blonde. Her ears were tied back with a ribbon spiraling down the stocks of the ears and she wore a very fluffy yellow dress. She wore a name tag that said 'Bernadette is Marching'.

None of this scene made any sense to him and he eventually found his voice, "I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner party of absurdity, but would you care to explain what it is that we are doing here."

His eyes caught the stream of pink and purple forming over the chair of the 'hatter'. Penny appeared with her Converses on top of the wooden chair just above the crazed hat-ed man, "This is Stuart, Bernadette, and Howard. They are better known as the Mad Hatter, The March Hare, and the Dormouse. These three know how to get the caterpillar."

Sheldon shook his head, "Why would I need to find the larval form member of the order Lepidoptera?"

They all looked at him with a raised brow, even the mouse, and he rolled his eyes, "The Caterpillar."

They all nodded in understanding but neither made a move to answer his question so he shook his head then pushed himself from the table and made the chair rub loudly against the ground. He stood and nearly screamed at his outfit. He wore a sailor blue trench coat dress with silver buttons down the chest. He had navy blue and white striped leggings with black sandal jelly shoes. He looked up at the characters at the other end of the table. The cat kneeled down above the Hatter and laughed herself into ribbons of confetti.

Bernadette sipped her tea and placed it down with a loud clank, "You look a whole lot better in that outfit than the last guy."

Howard squeaked and shook his head, "That's true. Only problem is that we could barely fit your other leg into the stockings."

Sheldon blushed and tugged at the ends of his dress.

* * *

The three characters marched down a brown, dusty path with him slowly following behind. The scenery was tall and overgrown but none dared to touch the path as if it would kill it if they did. There were green quills that grew like grass tilting like a wave away from the path. Far in the distance, on both sides, were trees that looked as if they were built by a toddler with large Legos. The bodies of these block trees were diaphanous and iridescent. Their foliage was solid and it seemed to be giving off different colors.

"That's the Rainbow Forest. The Queen has emptied it of the Huemans and most were spared of the Jabberwocky and work at the castle."

He looked up at the cat woman doing a backstroke above him, "Why would I need to find the sole caterpillar of this land?"

"She is the only one who knows where the Queen's castle is."

"Why do you not just float up into the sky and pinpoint its exact location?"

"It doesn't work like that. Here, if you have never been to a place then you never know where it is."

Sheldon shook his head in bafflement, "That makes no sense."

Penny grinned her signature smile down at him, "Oh, my dear hero, it makes perfect sense. Wonderland is not about the places you visit, but about the routes you take and the people you meet. If you never meet anyone or never follow the signs then you'll just wander down the same path… forever and alone."

Sheldon saw the Hatter and Hare standing at a split path with two wooden signs pointing in two different directions. He spoke to the cat above him, "Your caterpillar; are you sure it will be willing to give up this location?"

Penny floated to the ground beside him while walking beside him, "She'll be absolutely thrilled to give us the information… just so long as you let the her do all the talking."

Sheldon looked over at her as they caught up with the three, "Excuse me?"

Stuart was wringing his hands, "Mary is very particular about her beliefs. YES, LIKE CRAZY ABOUT THEM. Mary is a very sweet larva. OH YEAH, IF YOU LIKE A WORMY WOMAN CALLING YOU A HEATHEN EVERY THREE AND A HALF SECONDS."

Sheldon shook her head, "Sounds like my mother."

He looked at the two signs that were held by thumbnails on the cork of the tree and he scrunched his nose. The metallic sign to his left, that was pointing slightly downwards but to the right, which had 'This Way' painted sloppily in white paint. The oak wood sign to his right that was pointing slightly upward and to the left had 'No That Way' burned into it. He half wondered if the signs were made by the schizo Hatter.

"Which which is which?"

He looked at Penny with tired eyes and she smiled then disappeared leaving just the smile behind.

* * *

They took the 'This Way' route and the scenery shifted to glass like… reflective and bright and slightly warmer. The path was still brown and dusty, but the surface outside the path was smooth and metallic and was wavy with hills.

The three were still marching forward and chatting in their psychotic way. Sheldon noticed a lot of small glass stems that were drooped over to the path. As he continued to walk he saw beautiful clear roses that were translucent but had color in the glass. He touched them and was shocked that they had the texture of a gummy bear. He stepped away from them in shock and just moved forward and saw different types of roses in all types of textures.

It wasn't until he got to a single, human sized rose that made him stop. It was in the texture of a mirror and reflected everything around it. It moved its pedals around until Sheldon could see his face clearly. He stepped to it and cupped under the rose's pedals and saw his Memaw sitting on the porch swing at her house and he sniffed it, "Banana Nut."

Penny's voice erupted from beside him and made his body convulse in terror but he didn't scream this time, "The Speculum rose. It gives off one of the favorite smells from the one it reflects."

He stepped back and looked at the cat woman floating and leaning over to look at the rose and shook his head, "I really need to put a bell on you."

She looked over at him with her teal eyes and floated right in front of him, "Many men have tried."

He blinked, "N-no… I was only making an analogy about you being the kitten and I being the mouse. I did not mean that as a sexual inducement."

She floated to be eye to eye with him as her pupils dilated and retracted to focus on him then gave a soft smile and a faint purring noise, "Did you just call me Kitten?"

Sheldon's mouth went dry and his body began to react in ways he'd only read in books and manuals. She was not horribly unattractive even with the cat body parts. He cleared his throat, "I said THE kitten and once again… I meant no sexual inducement." He moved forward trying to alleviate the tenseness he was feeling and heard her chuckle.

* * *

Sheldon kept his eyes forward as the scenery shifted as if someone had erased the lines and drew in new ones. It felt as if he had shrunk. The trees were well above them, almost becoming the sky above them. Flowers were now over six foot tall and looked like sunflowers but were moving as if they were alive. On the other side were in the shape of human mouths and were whispering to each other. He took a step towards a cluster of them and heard Penny sing in a warning song, "I wouldn't do that."

He looked back at her, "Why is that?"

He turned his head to look back and one of the flowers kissed him right on the lips and there was an explosion on his lips and it knocked him back on his ass. He shook his head from the sparkles of light in his eyes as Penny floated over and help him up. She dusted off the back of his dress and spoke softly, "Those are Lip-Bomb Tulips. They have sulfur, charcoal, and saltpeter mixed in their pollen. It's a kiss you'll never soon forget. It's where I got my lip bomb from."

He rubbed his numb lips and nodded, "Yes… I remember. it was a blast."

He looked over at her with an amused smile and she gave him a grin. She glided away from him and he tugged down at his dress, "Well, let us hurry to this caterpillar. If she is anything like my mother, she'll hate that we were late."

Penny shook her head, "There is no such thing as time here. Remember what I told you…"

He cut her off immediately, "I remember everything. I have an eidetic memory and can recall what my mother was wearing when I first learned how to walk."

She crossed her arms and looked at him and he furrowed his brows at her, "What?"

She bent her arm out and pointed her hand down, palm up at him, "Well, you remember everything I said so I really don't need to remind you then. Tell me, why do we not have time here?"

He groaned, "Fine. Just tell me."

She licked her lips with her rough cat tongue, "Because you don't remember?"

He looked at her with a frown, "Because you did not tell me."

She smiled, "I did, but you just were not listening. I said Leonard serves the clock. Leonard serves the Queen. She has stolen time itself and placed it in an hour glass."

His brows nearly touched as he scrunched his face in confusion. He was about to ask how that was possible, but Bernadette's high Hare voice sang out, "We're Here! We're Here!"

He turned from the cat and stared at the jungle of towering, carnivorous plants and noticed the path was gone. The avaricious jungle ahead was colorful but he learned of aposematism at a fairly young age so knew that all those bright colors were a warning for him not to enter. He looked up at a huge, blood red pitcher plant that moved its huge, fat body to angle down as if looking back at him and he felt a pinch of fear. Not only were they carnivorous, but they were big enough to eat a few grown men and that shook him even more, "Are y-you sure sh-she's in there?"

The Hatter nodded, "Oh, I am very positive. SHE'S IN THE GOLDEN PEONY. Far into the middle of the jungle."

Sheldon looked from the small Hare with the mouse on her shoulder to the Hatter back at the cat… that had disappeared again then back towards the jungle, "Drat. Do I at least get a final meal?"

The three looked at him in befuddlement and he shook his head then tugged on the bottom of his dress then slowly made his way into the jungle. He heard all three of the characters behind him wishing him luck then heard the Dormouse squeak, "Don't scream at the P.P. plant."

He took in the advice as he carefully missed the roots and anything that looked like it would sweep him up and eat him. He stopped in the middle of a small clearing and talked out loud, "What good are you as a companion if you keep disappearing when I need your help the most."

"You're doing just fine." She appeared; lying on a tentacle of a sundew plant but it reacted as if she weren't there, and disappeared again.

"I am in a man-eating forest looking for a crazed caterpillar in a golden flower. How am I FINE?"

She appeared back on an eyelash of a Venus flytrap and once again it didn't react, "You haven't been eaten, yet. You've made it twice as far as most of the other guys. YaaaaY!"

Sheldon let out a whimpering moan as she disappeared again. He looked around the jungle and it seemed to realize just where he was. His eye caught something bright and he looked up to see a sunbeam from above the tall pitcher plants. He looked through the other predatory plants and saw a glow of light and he made up his mind to follow it and he carefully, and swiftly, moved through the thicket.

He could see the golden leaves of the Peony flower and the sun spotlighting at the clearing only a few yards from where he stood. He looked to his left and saw the brown, dusty path that led right over to the golden flower. The path that led to the 'safer' path was walled by thick, thorny bushes. He swallowed and moved cautiously down the dark path.

He was only steps from the brown path when huge frog/fox hopped right before him and made him stop. It had the body structure of a frog but the appearance of a fox. The froggy fox looked up at him with golden eyes and hissed/ribbited at him. Sheldon took a step back as it began to growl and snarl at him with its throat blowing a bubble. The creature's froggy paw touched a grassy stolon of and the stemmed vine wrapped around the frog fox and lifted it up to a twisted, nonthreatening dandelion flower bud. The bud opened up and something that he couldn't see caused the frog fox to scream that led to something strange happening. The frog fox's body looked to be getting sucked towards the bulb but the vine didn't let it go and the body still remained, but the frog fox began to become shriveled and brittle until the bud closed and the vine snapped the now mummified creature in its grip. Sheldon backed sideways in utter horror until his back hit the thorned wall that pricked him many places.

He jolted from pain and looked back at the wall and saw a sign that said 'P.P. plant- Premutating Precipitation Plant' then small underneath 'everything tastes better when it's filtered from fear'.

Sheldon understood the Dormouse's advice. He took in a breath through his nose and avoided the stolon that was rooted into the path, now. He took a very wide step and dragged his other leg, heavily, and it brushed against one small spore poking from the ground. The vine snapped around his waist and yanked him to the familiar bud. It was bulbous at the head of it and had a long muzzle. It looked exactly like dandelion before it blooms into its golden flower. The tip of the muzzle has a small hole in it that suddenly started to open up. The flower twisted open and revealed rows and rows of spider like little mandibles with dripping clear claws on the end all stretching towards him with gel saliva bubbling and dripping down from all around its mouth. He saw movement deep within the mouth of hell and saw, in horror, hopping spider-like creatures coming towards him in swarms. A few fell from the upper mouth onto his face and Sheldon had to close his eyes and tense up his entire body just to stop the scream in his throat.

Suddenly, he felt the momentum shift as the vine places him back on the ground. He opens his eyes and watches the bud back to its closed form and now moving back to its attack position. His first motion was to touch all parts of his body to swat any spider-ish creature on him and was relieved to find none. His body shivered in disgust. He looked up to see the sunlight still spotlighting the golden flower and moved as quickly as he could towards it.

* * *

The closer he got, the more the flower opened. He could smell pecan pie and fried chicken. He looked on either side of him and saw the Speculum roses all reflecting towards him. He got to the end of the brown path and it began to turn into bright yellow. The brown and yellow swirled around the Peony and Sheldon moved around until he got to the 'front' of the flower's opening.

He could see the long, lumpy thorax and abdomen of a caterpillar but it looked human in flesh tone. The abdominal prolegs were bug like with small setae growing from them, but as the caterpillar straightened up, he saw the human side of the caterpillar. The three pair of thoracic legs was in fact, human arms. The skin towards where the caterpillar head would be was smooth and humanlike and had his mother's upper torso and head there. It was the most disturbing thing he had ever seen in his life, even adding in the mouth of the P.P. Plant.

This thing was not his mother. He wouldn't allow it to be, "Hello. Are you the Caterpillar I am supposed to seek out to find the Queen's castle?"

The stern eyes of his mother looked down at him then softened, "That all depends. Who are YOU?"

He shook his head, "To say the truth, I hardly know anymore."

The caterpillar stretched her body down and spoke oddly, "How doth the little crocodile improve his shining tail. And pour the waters of the Nile, on every golden scale. How cheerfully he seems to grin, how neatly spreads his claws. And welcomes little fishes in, with gently smiling jaws."

He furrowed his eyebrows, "I do not understand."

She smiled and stretched her body back upwards and touched a group of fuchsia foxglove and they all opened to her, "The crocodile's integrity became duplicity. Much like the path to the Queen's heart. Do you understand, now?"

Sheldon thought about this and shook his head, "I'm afraid not."

The caterpillar gave a smile, "You will. Now, come closer and listen."

He looked around and saw that the jungle was nothing but silhouette behind him and took a step up, "God has protected me from the festoon. He gave me the jungle to keep away my enemies and the sun to show my friends the way. And soon, he will give me wings like one of his angels."

He couldn't believe just how much this creature had in common with his mother. He wanted to say something, but he had yet to get the information he came for so he kept quiet. He did have one question that he was curious about, "What is this 'festoon' you said?"

She looked at him, strangely, and her eyes opened wide, "You are the new hero from the other world. There have been many, many beings that have claimed to be the one, but none like the Alice of old. She was a blonde that overthrew the Queen of Hearts but left the throne open for her sisters to take."

The caterpillar sighed and looked down at the first set of her hand that held a dead foxglove bulb, "It may clear up some misunderstanding as to why the people of Wonderland cannot fight back. You see, the four queens of Garb each have a beast that protected their kingdom and could only be killed by one sword… the Vorpol sword, that has been hidden for over 500 years. The handle of the Vorpal has a pearl of bone from each of the Queen's beasts and is infused with a drop of their blood within the blade. The beasts are the Gryphon, the Jubjub bird, the Bandersnatch, and the Jabberwocky. The Queen of Hearts had the Gryphon; the Queen of Diamonds had the Jubjub bird; the Queen of Clubs had the Bandersnatch; while the Queen of Spades has the Jabberwocky. The beasts never die, but the Queens are not so lucky. It seems that the Queen of Spades has removed her sisters to become the present Queen."

He took a few more steps closer, "Explain why I must kill a dragon with a sword no one knows exists, but Alice still overthrew the Queen of Hearts without killing the Gryphon?"

The caterpillar gave him the look his mother always gave him when he questioned her and he swallowed. She turned her back thorax to him and waved her arms inward and the foliage closed, "The Queen is never more vulnerable than when she has nothing to hide behind. You take away her soldiers, you take away her knight; you can even take away her heart but unless you remove the darkness and pain; you'll never take her alive."

Sheldon bowed his head at the thought of having to slay a dragon as well as a woman he never met and began to have doubts that he could do it.

The caterpillar was wrapping herself in a silk and he backed away in shock. She didn't open her eyes as she spoke to him once again, "Reservation is not a weakness and courage is not a strength. If you cannot find a sword, my dear warrior; then find the next best thing. For one can never be whole until all the parts are in play."

It made no sense to him about the sword and he didn't have a chance to question it as the silk covered the caterpillar's body completely. As he stood in the darkened spot beside the closed Peony, he looked out at the scenery and didn't wonder how he was going to save this world, but how in the hell he was ever going to get home.


	2. How to catch a Bandersnatch

_A/N_

_Another installment of my Wonderland story for Jislane35._

_I want everyone to know that I'm not bashing ANY ships or characters in this story. I love making the characters so different, but the same in stories like this. I ABSOLUTELY LOVE Myiam Bialik to DEATH, but her Amy character is not my favorite. AS SUCH, I love having Myiam as my bad guy/not so bad guy because she can be super lovable as a character but also have that 'I Will Burn Your House Down' tone to her. ANYWAYS, it was no secret who the Queen of Spades was going to be. BUT, fear not... she won't be the kind of Queen you expect her to be! _

_Ok, now on to the bad news... I may not be able to upload chapters as fast as I want to. I am in between jobs now and I'm trying to get my RL in order. So, bear with me. Hell, I just got back and it took you a year to bear with me for that, too. Now, without further ado (though this chapter is a few thousand words shorter than the last one) I give you chapter 2. _

* * *

**_How to catch a Bandersnatch_**

_Our hero learns of the prior queens and their monsters, but most importantly, he learns about the Vorpal sword. Little does he know that his path has already been etched into the Oraculum of Wonderland held by the Walrus and the Carpenter with their army of clams who served the Queen from the Lighthouse. The Queen's knave learns of this and rides back to tell his Queen. _

_The wonders of Wonderland are not always a joyous site. Our hero will learn this oh so shortly._

* * *

There were uproars of screams and squeals of all types of monkeys wearing sharp, white armor behind the large wall of the Queen's castle. Some were fighting as others were grooming one another. Most held long spears with spade points while some held axes with spade points. There was no order, only chaos.

The large heavy door of the castle opens and a caramel skin colored man in black armor riding a large, horse-sized Yorkie rushed through as the heavy gate slammed back down. The knight was covered in waves of sharp points and smooth curvatures all throughout the armor. His gauntlet's fingers had spade shapes in the bends and spades designed into the knuckles. The guard of his helmet had a long point and still in the shape of a spade. He dismounted his furry steed and his armored boots clanged against the bricked floor. He looked around and the monkeys quieted down and seemed to stand up straight. He narrowed his eyes as he grabbed the reins of his Yorkie and gave a whistle. A gorilla in a horned helmet and shoulder pads grunted behind him. He raised the guard of his helmet and his Indian accent hummed, "Make sure Cinnamon gets fresh food and water." The gorilla grunted then took the reins of the Yorkie then headed towards the stables.

The knave turned simply unsheathed his sword and slammed it into the ground. It reverberated and made the ground crack and rumble in all directions. It made the primates whimper to silence and he ripped his sword from the ground and the ground healed from the strike. He sheathed his sword and moved into the castle.

The castle was filled with all species of primates. There were chimpanzees, capuchins, lemurs, howlers, gibbons, aye-ayes, and many others throughout the castle. The black armored man came to the door with an orangutan and baboon standing menacingly at the door. The baboon snarled its big teeth and slammed its fist into the floor as the huge orangutan rolled its eyes at his partner, "The Queen does not wish to be bothered; even by you, Rajesh."

He reached up and took off his helmet to reveal his face and his untamable helmet hair. He spoke with an exotic accent smoothed through the darkness of the surroundings, "I need to speak with her immediately. It's about the Oraculum… and the Alician."

The orangutan snorted in confusion, "The what?"

The doors opened behind the two guards and Raj went to his knee as the Queen's voice called out, "The Alician. The descendant of Alice who triumphed over my sister without even blinking her pretty little eye lashes. The hero who the resistance has called upon to overthrow me…" She walked out of the darkened room wearing a long sleeved, black dress. It had sharp shoulder pads that looked like a side of a spade. There was a strip of exposed fabric flowing down to show off her cleavage. The hips of the dress were exaggeratedly rounded and angled down to also resemble the shape of a spade. Her long brown hair was pulled back away from her face with the sharp, silver crown gleaming brightly. Her skin was pale and she had a black spade patch over her left eye slightly angled with the point to the right. Her lips were covered in black lipstick and her uncovered eye was thickened with black mascara. Her left eye was a deep blue color while her other eye was completely blacked out with only a reflective ray from the faint light. The baboon and orangutan cowered from her as she continued speaking, "… so tell me, my ever loyal Knave, what news do you bring me?"

Her gloved hand rubbed against the man's cheek as she stared deeply into his eyes. He swallowed and licked his lips, "He has found the caterpillar and is now on his way to the Lighthouse to retrieve the Oraculum."

She smiled in an undaunted way, "Does he know where to find the Vorpal sword?"

He shook his head, "No. But I'm afraid the caterpillar has given him another means."

This wiped the smile off her face and she growled to the two primates, "LEAVE."

The two didn't ask why and crawled up the side of the wall to leave the two alone. She gritted her teeth and spun in frustration then back again to stare at the black knight. Raj's grip on his helmet tightened as she stared at him, "You send the Eaglet to the Walrus and the Carpenter and tell them to ready their clams. They are to capture the Alician, but if any harm him… I will boil them and feed them to the Jabberwocky."

He swallowed deeply at how merciless her voice became and he nodded curtly, "Of course, your majesty." He bolted from the corridor to the bird's nest high at the top of the tallest tower as the Queen stood in the darkness all alone. She closed her eyes tightly and sighed with regret. She let out a sigh then moved down the hall.

Everything past by her in a blur of candle light. She knew the monkeys were hiding on the ceiling from her view so she just kept moving. She saw the bright opening where the sun blared through from the courtyard and she exited it to a vast garden within a corridor of the castle. The bushes were in shapes of the suits of cards and the grass was black and red. One of the enormous broken columns was engulfed by dead looking morning glory and there, upon the top of the column, slept her only friend within this dreary world… the Jabberwocky.

As if it sensed her presence, he awoke and stood on its long, thin legs and its shadow blanketed the ground below. The creature was pitch black with spots barely seen if not up close to it. Its eyes were greenish gold and almost pulsed a red tint. Its abdomen was gelatinous and stout but its limbs were slim and elongated. The neck was thick and covered in twitching tentacles. Its head resembled that of an eel and had long and short whisker like barbs hang from around its mouth as well as two very long horn-like whiskers protruding from the top of its head like two horns. Its mouth was hard to close from all the teeth within it. The two front teeth were merged together and resembled those of a beaver while all the other teeth in its mouth were jagged and needle-like. Every whisker and tentacle sparked and hissed as if they were charged wires of a power-line. Its small, T-Rex like forearms were bent into its body and were limp by its side as its long, whip like tail whistled as it flicked in the air. Then, it extended its wings out and the castle rumbled like thunder. Its reptilian, bat wings were each three times the creature's body length and looked more powerful than the creature itself.

It flapped itself off the column then crashed its massive, taloned feet into the black grass right before the Queen and bent its grotesque head down to her where she buried her face into its barbed face and the monster closed its eyes, nudged into the woman's touch, and purred.

* * *

The path back to the Hatter's was almost immediate. He was going to question this, but didn't want the Cheshire popping in and giving him a snide retort about time. He saw there were more of a gathering of creatures now around the table laughing and drinking tea and tossing condiments. Sheldon stopped before he was in full sight behind the shaded darkness of the tree line and flexed his hands into fists. The sight of people having fun in a sociable setting was not a fear of his… but it was a restriction. He tried many several times to join into a group and only ever ended with the people staring at him strangely then eventually just getting up and leaving him all alone. Those times were quite enough of a reminder that he was better alone, anyways.

"You're thinking about something and that makes you forget to act. You know, human relations are just as important to people as oxygen is to the brain. If you stay back here for too long, you might lose a few of those precious brain cells you love so much."

Sheldon sighed through his nose and looked over at the cat woman leaning against a tree with her hood back on and groaned, "That's absurd."

She smiled up at him with the light gleaming off her fangs, "Really? You're gonna say that in this land?"

He looked back over at the table of people and could feel the spark of rejection and he said, "I'm socializing with you so that will give me enough air to stay conscious."

He heard her chuckle and felt a soft touch on his arm and looked down to see a slight cat-like hand upon his arm. He looked at her glowing teal eyes under the hood as she spoke, "Talking to a living person isn't a challenge to a person like you… it's a chance to observe. You plot and plan every last detail inside that giant network of complicated thoughts and calculations. All you have to do is go sit down and listen. Just do what you do best and examine the situation without scrutinizing every last detail. Change the venue of your fear and let your mind rest from the race you are always in. And if you are ever in doubt of what to say… talk about the weather."

He looked at her with one brow raised then back at the table of people. He swallowed at how happy they were and he heard her speak softly, "I find it funny how the sanest man of us all has to be coached by the one he deems the craziest."

His head turned in a snap and his face bore a serious look, "I never said that any of you were insane. That word… 'crazy'… it is a heartless word used against those that others never take the time to know. Besides… it isn't your mind that I'm having trouble understanding; it is your abilities."

She smiled ear to ear, "Often you see a cat without a grin, but a grin without a cat; now that's just mad."

Sheldon's look softened and Penny looked out at the table, "We don't like using the word crazy, either. But, you have to admit, you would have to be a little mad if you ended up here. Truth be told, we all go mad, eventually."

He nodded, "I never said there was anything wrong with madness."

Penny put her soft paw on his shoulder then floated up and gave him a cat's kiss on his cheek. The rough tongue scraped against his skin but the feeling of her closeness still made him blush deeply. She whispered softly before disappearing, "Good thing, because we're all mad here."

* * *

Sheldon sat back at the end of the table again while looking around the small clearing for a hint of his clothes. He kept feeling a draft up his dress and it was beginning to bother him more that actually wearing it. He learned the names of the newest members of the tea party. Barry T. Dee and Zack T. Dum were brothers regardless of how many times Sheldon asked if they had the same parents. They never answered his question and continued to call each other 'bro'.

Barry and Zack were complete opposites in every regard. Barry was the smart one. He was short and almost in the shape of an egg. His hair line receded and his clothes barely fit him. He had a lisp and was very scrawny in the muscle department. But the one thing that Sheldon disliked about him was the way he was obnoxious to everyone.

Zack was the not so smart one. Sheldon didn't say it out loud, but calling him dumb would give the dumb people a bad name. He was tall, muscular, and seemed overly healthy. Though talking to him was like speaking to a 4 year old, he at least listened with enthusiasm as if he WANTED to hear what you had to say. Zack seemed to be a very loyal and kind person, but Sheldon would be afraid to let him go for a walk by himself. He may do a Lemming's move and walk off a cliff.

The other two that he could remember were the two fowl. One was a Dodo bird named Siebert who talked as if he were important, but just honked a lot. And the other was the Flamingo named Beverley who just stood tall above everyone and looked down on them with thick glasses resting on the edge of the long, curved beak as if observing for herself.

He began to think that the caterpillar's words were in vain. He concentrated on his memories as the others around him faded into the background. The caterpillar said, "… _one can never be whole until all the parts are in play_." From this he began to decipher her message. He told her that the handle of the Vorpal sword had pearls of bone from each of the beasts and drops of their blood in the blade. How was any of that the cause of the mystical element that made the sword so powerful? Better yet, if the sword hadn't been seen in over 500 years… then how did anyone know it existed? She had said it herself that if he couldn't find the sword, then he had to find the next best thing… the beasts themselves.

Sheldon stood up, still in mid thought, and everyone stopped and looked at him. He looked right at the Hatter, across the table, and spoke boldly, "I need to find the Gryphon, the Jubjub bird, and the Bandersnatch. Where would I find them?"

* * *

Sheldon walked down the brown path that was now turning purple. Every step he took with his left foot made a sloshing noise of a rubber boot while the right made a clanking noise of a metallic boot from a suit of armor. His new outfit wasn't as embarrassing as a dress, but he was beginning to miss it with every annoying step he took.

The Hatter and his party of moronic tea sippers baulked at his question then began chattering away at the same time so he couldn't quite understand any of them. He, thinking it a logical decision, told them to draw him a map. What a waste of breath. When it was all said and done, the map looked like a group of seven year olds with crayons battled each other in drawing mode. He almost wanted to go feed himself to the Jabberwocky right then. Luckily, his saving grace of a Cheshire popped in and mentioned the Oraculum.

The Flamingo, Beverly, knew where it was being guarded… the Lighthouse. That triggered Barry and Zack into mentioning the Walrus and the Carpenter and their army of Clamotons. They were just another brigade that served the Queen. Sheldon asked what in this world was a 'Clamoton' and Bernadette softly explained. The way the Hare explained it was that they were a humanoid army with heads in the shape of horseshoe crabs. Their body were in the shape of a human torso, but scaled with clam shells. Their legs were humanoid, but at the knee, it split (forwards to backwards) into stalks like crab legs. The arms are what worried him the most. The arm was also crab like, but the hands were thick sickles that have been seen slicing through the thickest stone. He then asked how many there were in this 'Army' and got the response of 'thouzillian'. He really didn't like those odds… mainly because it wasn't a bloody number.

After this, he told them he couldn't fight a thouzillian Clamotons in a dress and he needed his clothes back. He got all his clothes back except his shoes, thus the armor and rubber boots. The Hatter suggested he wear armor. Thinking that he would just get a helmet and a shield, he agreed. Sheldon was not the least bit amused with what came next as he looked down at himself while walking down the path. He wore a Viking helmet with football shoulder pads and small whale floaties on his arms. He had one boxing glove on one hand and a long, silk glove that went to his elbow on the other. He wore a big, sumo diaper with a huge rope belt over his pants with knee pads that had a huge spike in the middle.

Sheldon could hear a shattered laughter and rolled his eyes, "I take it that your kind never have the common courtesy to laugh away from the victim."

The laughter got solid as Penny appeared in front of him, floating in mid air with her hood off, lying on her back and laughing. The laughs began to settle down with grunts and rushes of air from her large smile, "I'm sorry. This is too precious to not laugh at."

Sheldon shook his head as he began ripping off the gloves and floaties, "Why do I have to face an army of Clams by myself?"

Penny rolled and began to walk beside him, "Who said you had to be alone?"

Sheldon waved his hand all around him to show that there was no one there and looked at her. She began floating beside him to keep up, "Would you REALLY want any of those people to go into battle with you? I mean, you could probably swing that Flamingo around like a sword…"

He shook his head, "Any army can be deadly if there is a good man in charge."

Penny shook her felinesque head to agree then looked over at him with a gleam in her eye, "But any good man would need a noble steed to ride into battle."

Sheldon stopped and watched the cat woman roll and stand before him, "Obviously, you have a proper idea as to where this 'steed' is."

Her pupils were a thick line as she smiled her big grin, "Only one person has ever ridden the Queen of Club's frumious Bandersnatch."

Sheldon shook his head at the nonsensical word, "Just because Alice of your legends rode the monster does not mean I will be able to do so."

Penny slithered in the air and stopped only a few inches and spoke softly, "Don't lose your muchness, now. Nothing is ever impossible… unless you were to believe it to be."

Sheldon's cheeks felt hot at the closeness of the woman. He looked into the teal eyes that dared him to say otherwise and he dropped his gaze and sighed, "Fine. So, how do I find this… Bandersnatch?"

Penny floated to give him space, "It's not finding him you'll have a problem with… it's catching him."

As she disappeared, he saw the broken trees and huge prints heading into the back of thick treed woods and rolled his eyes, "This is just great. Well, to quote the Tenth Doctor, Allons-y!"

* * *

The terrain of the woods was baffling. He always felt like he was going uphill, but everything was straight on. The ground was covered with a blanket of green, luscious leaves while the canopy was covered in dried, orange and brown looking leaves. One of the crumbled up brown leaves snapped and began to fall to the ground. With each inch it fell, it got more lush and alive until it hit the ground as a bud. It was as if the trees, themselves, were living backwards and the further it fell, the more alive it got. He really needed to learn to stop trying to figure this place out. It was beginning to hurt to the think.

He followed the gaping holes in between the trees and got a better look at the creature's foot prints. It had six set of legs to run on and, by the deep curvatures in the mud; it had four toes on each with claws about as thick as one of Sheldon's legs. There was hair like quills stuck into the trees, as well. Its fur was made of sharp quills? This Bandersnatch was not something Sheldon would ever go looking for and, as he continued following its path, or riding... ever.

The terrain of the woods turned into something much more menacing as he came to a clearing. The grass was orange and yellow and looked like fur with black rocks spread around in different sizes. As Sheldon cleared a big hill he stopped on a dime and stared. One eyed, one legged, no beaked seagulls screaming with little holes in their heads flying around a roof of rocks over a deep hole in the ground. The scenery behind it was the horizon of the ocean and has a steady breeze making the grass dance. There was a slight hint of death in the breeze and made Sheldon gag.

There was an echoing grunt from the cave and Sheldon bolted to behind a black rock and waited a few seconds. Nothing exited the cave so Sheldon relaxed a bit before whispering, "Alright, tell me how to do this WITHOUT getting eaten."

Penny appeared on top of the rock, crouched down with her tail twitching beside him. He saw the tail and moved to look up at her as she spoke, "The best you can."

Sheldon stood up with wide eyes full of fear AND anger, "THE BEST I CAN?!"

She shushed him and looked back at the cave in worry. Sheldon snorted, "Do not shush me, Madam… that thing is not something in a petting zoo. It is a monster of large proportions and not to mention covered in barbed fur. This was completely YOUR idea. Tell me how am I to accomplish this goal without DYING." He shouted the last word and saw the cat woman cringe. The ground shook under his feet and he looked over the rock towards the hole and watched as a huge, wired furred, dark-dirt colored creature slid through the darkness to the light of the outside with all six, armadillo like feet with thick talons crushing the ground beneath them. It had the head of a hyena, a body of a hippo, and a tail of lion and crocodile mixed; all covered in boar hair and quills of a porcupine. Its eyes were clay red and its teeth were nearly too big to fit in its mouth causing it to drool constantly.

Penny floated off the rock and right into the monster's sight. Sheldon's fear factor went up to 10 and he couldn't move or call the girl back in pure horror. She put her clawed thumb and middle finger in her Cheshire grin and gave a huge whistle causing the creature to look up at her and give a thunderous, scratchy growl. Penny bent over and wiggled her kitty butt at the monster then turned back around and stuck out her tongue. The Bandersnatch looked overly offended and gave out a blaring shrill of a roar and charged full steam ahead. Just as the Bandersnatch opened its mouth full of piranha, shark, and tiger teeth to snap down on the cat, she disappeared in a blink.

The creature's six feet grabbed into the ground and it turned its big body around and stared at the cat woman laughing, "You missed me, Handsome!" She gave a raspberry and the beast charged again and she disappeared again. The beast rolled down the hill in a ball like an armadillo. It resembled a Koosh ball until it came to a stop, then popped back into monster mode. Sheldon found himself again and whispered harshly to the cat, "What are you DOING!?"

She looked over at him, angrily, "Don't you question ME, sir. You're the one hiding behind a rock. Let's see YOU do better."

Sheldon swallowed and looked around as the Bandersnatch and Penny played tag and miss a few more times. He saw a large rib bone just behind him and looked back over at the monster. The creature seemed to be having fun trying to catch the cat. Sheldon gave a small smile and (reluctantly) picked up the rib bone and walked out from behind the rock. The Bandersnatch stopped and looked intently at him while Penny floated beside him with wide eyes, "What's your plan? Hitting him, caveman style?"

Sheldon swallowed and shook his head, "No." He took a step towards the panting, slobbering, and deadly behemoth. He swallowed again, very deeply this time, and took a deep breath before wiggling the rib in the air and doing kissy noises, "Here boy. Herrre boy. C'mon! Go get the stick. Go get the stick!"

The Bandersnatch tilted its head just as Penny did behind him, but, in a split second, the beast stuck out its long, black, giraffe like tongue and wagged its furiously thick tail as it crouched itself down like a playful puppy. Sheldon threw the bone and the beast charged to go fetch it; nearly causing a magnitude 3 Earthquake.

"Lucky guess."

He smiled at the sight of the Bandersnatch walloping back with the bone and he said to the cat, "I do not guess. I theorize."

Penny laughed as Sheldon threw the bone again, "What's the difference?"

Sheldon looked over at her then squared up the intrigued, floating cat, "As I said, I do not guess. I observed the interactions between you and the creature then took the knowledge I obtained and 'sprung into action' so to speak. I am a physicist not some clueless wunderkind."

A black, long tongue slammed against the man's face and licked him causing them both to look over at the very happy Bandersnatch. Sheldon wiped his face in disgust as Penny smiled her long smile, "Well, Mister Physicist… looks like you have your noble steed."

Sheldon rubbed the creature's nose and it rolled over on its back to reveal an armored belly its tongue draping out of it mouth. Sheldon rubbed the armored plates skeptically. He didn't think the monster would feel it at all, but was shocked when the six legs all kicked in the air. He smiled again and looked at the cat woman, "Doctor Physicist, thank you. And… I think I'm going to need a saddle." He pulled a long quill from his the football shoulder pads that happened when he was scratching the creature's belly and looked a little bit worried, but a whole lot more cocky.


	3. Where the sun and the moon mingle

**_Where the sun and the moon mingle_**

_With the Bandersnatch happily obliging, our ever changing hero finds a suitable saddle that allows him to ride the dangerous furred puppy, but as he approaches the nonsensical coast of Wonderland… his enemies get ready for a very explosive encounter._

* * *

Althea hung upside down and hammered in the last nail of the board. She was getting tired of having to fix up the leaks of the Lighthouse almost every morning. She looked left and right at the Clamotons sleeping and shook her head. Todd and herself had been training the Clamotons for the Queen and got paid handsomely, but it didn't stop them from being creepy. She spun the hammer around in her hand and slammed it into her belt, still upside down. She jerked her climbing spikes from the beam and flipped to the ground; her spikes jamming into the rubble of the floor.

Todd came wobbling in with his walrus-human body and he looked down at the light skinned woman, "Hello Carpenter, how are the repairs coming?"

She bent down and unhooked the straps of her spikes and stepped forward, "All the holes are patched and the Clamotons are all resting."

Todd put his fin arms behind his back and wobbled around, "We received an Eaglet from the Queen. The Alician is coming our way and she wants us to ready the troops."

Althea coughed, "Walrus! They are not prepared for battle. They're still randomly exploding and there is no telling which will be next. We're more at risk then the hero will be."

Todd walked up to a window that had a clear view of the ocean's horizon. The sky was clear of all clouds and had only the sun and the faint moon almost beside it. The Walrus reached up and moved the moon and the sun into the same place in the center of the picture. A black line shot from the point where the sun and moon met and went straight down to the bottom of the window. The scene draped up like a curtain to reveal a hollow compartment with a thick scroll leaning inside of it. He turned back to Althea with his whiskers moving and large tusks gleaming, "We have been told to retain the Oraculum at any costs… including our own."

* * *

Sheldon would've calculated that the gait of a six legged creature would be smooth to the point that the rider wouldn't feel the motion, but he found out that his calculations were slightly off by ten at the least. Riding the Bandersnatch, even with a saddle, was like riding a three legged horse. It was atrocious of a feeling that Sheldon had to meditate in four different languages just to not concentrate on the pain in his… lower regions.

Regardless of the bumbling of the creature beneath him, it was, in fact, very smart. It only took a few sessions to learn a stop and go word; Brillig for go and Snicker-snack for stop. Then, only a few more sessions before the creature learned to move left or right with a foot tap against his neck. The only thing Sheldon couldn't teach the beast was the excess control of speed.

As the creature went galumphing through the changing scenery, Sheldon was finding it hard to see without his eyes watering. Though they were watery, he could still see a white blob hop in the way and Sheldon screamed, "SNICKER-SNACK!"

Like they practiced, the creature slid to stop only inches from the blob. Sheldon careened forward and rolled down the Bandersnatch's nose and on the ground. He rolled enough to have his legs on either side of the now clear image of the black tipped, white rabbit he met in his world. Penny manifested right beside the Bandersnatch and she leaned an elbow on top of its head, "Well hello Leonard. The Queen out of uppers and downers all ready?"

The rabbit narrowed his eyes at the cat behind the huge goggles then looked back to Sheldon and helped him up, "No… Nope… this is a personal visit from myself while the Queen awaits the news about the new Alician in battle. I'm here to warn you about the Clamotons… they are highly unstable. If anything startles them… they'll explode. Use that as a warning… or as a tip." He looked at his wrist watch then looked back the way he came with is nose twitching and his ears rocking back and forth. He looked back at Sheldon, "The Oraculum is held behind the sky where the sun and the moon mingle. When both come to the same conclusion, the horizon will split and open wide. As to how to find it… the Walrus is a man of action, but he will buckle under pressure. The Carpenter is a woman of drudgery, but is wise to fear the destruction. If the battle becomes too much, one will flee while the other gladly gives. Seek the Carpenter in the melee and she'll take you to the casement."

Sheldon's brow touched at the words 'Alician' and 'casement', but before he had the chance to question them, the rabbit looked back again and his ears shot straight up, "I have to go. One more thing my friend… not every window has a perfect view. Some lie just like the mouths of men." He gave his nose a wiggle then looked at the cat, "Until the next time, Chessy."

The Cheshire hissed showing all her teeth and the rabbit smiled before bouncing away in unbelievable speed. Everything the rabbit had said was a scramble of oddities. _It was held behind the sky_… how was that even possible? He looked back at the Cheshire who was gently stroking the ear of the Bandersnatch. He had many questions but the only one that bothered him most was what he called him, "What is an Alician?"

She tilted her head, "You are, of course. The descendent of Alice herself. Not by blood but by adventure."

He shook his head, "How is one related by adventure?"

She smiled and sighed, "Must you question everything? You are not related by blood, but by the adventure you both have taken. You are as good as family when you share an experience like no other. Everyone in this land calls you the Alician because you are a hero or a great rival. Whichever you are, you are definitely it. No one has ever been brave enough to face the Bandersnatch… let alone ride it."

He turned and looked at the path ahead of him and saw the sand then sighed, "I'm guessing that the Bandersnatch has been to this Lighthouse before." He turned to look at the slobbering monster and the hovering cat.

She smiled, "Only way we could travel, right?"

He licked his lips and moved towards the Bandersnatch then stopped at the Cheshire, "Tell me something… what would happen to me if I were to die in this world?"

The cat woman's ears perked up and she looked at him with solemn eyes, "It's safe to say that everything ends… even in a world of insanity. A broken heart is a quicker death than putting a bullet to the head. Because without logic, there is no gun."

Sheldon shook his head at the last sentence but slowly he began to understand it as he mounted the Bandersnatch and gave the 'Brillig' word to go. A broken heart in this world could be literal and would lead to a painfully quick death. Without logic or a sound mind… a bullet to the head was literally holding a bullet against your head. Logic brought in the thought of 'shooting' said bullet with a gun. He was beginning to think that maybe the crazy cat lady was more brilliant than he was giving her credit for. Of course… saying that out loud would never occur.

The smell of the salty ocean air slapped him against his face and nostrils and he could soon see the ocean. It looked fairly normal. He knew he spoke far too soon when a huge shadow passed overhead. He looked up as he rode and his mouth went wide open. A huge humpback whale swam in the air above them with schools of fish swimming at its flank. He looked all in the sky and saw waves of different fish, reptiles, and swimming mammals from fresh and salt water that he recognized from his world. Dolphins, salmon, catfish, whales, seals, angel fish, crocodiles, and sea turtles were just to name a few. Then he began to see strange creatures he read about or saw in movies. He saw a horse with a fish tail instead of its back legs with a herd/school of many others. He saw a Loch Ness monster, a group of mermaids, and even a Japanese Kappa. It all made Sheldon wonder what was in the water.

He looked back out to the scenery and saw the Lighthouse far off on a cliff. He moved back into the saddle and stared intently at the thick, castle-like building and readied himself. He didn't know how this was going to play out, but everyone was counting on him and he was sure as darned not going to let them down now.

* * *

Raj stared down at the collection of the Clamotons standing in perfect rows on the beach from a cliff high above. He scratched Cinnamon behind her ear and sighed. He moved away from the large Yorkie to the other end of the cliff and watched the Bandersnatch coming closer and closer to the Lighthouse. What was it about this man that made him such a fearsome figure in this world? He had slaughtered the strongest warrior from every tribe in Wonderland, but no one loved or feared him as much as they did the Alician. He even caught the heart of the Queen.

The anger built up in the black knight until his armor shook. He unsheathed his sword, sliced a black boulder n half, and sheathed his sword in a blink of an eye. He moved swiftly back to his steed and mounted her. He urged her over the edge of the cliff and she sprang out. She sat back on her haunches and slid down the dusty cliff side until she got to the beach terrain below. Once her paws hit the sand she galloped towards the Lighthouse with her tongue waving in the air.

Raj's grip on the reins tightened and he kicked the dog's side harder. The Yorkie yelped, but increased her speed. If the Clamotons didn't blow that hero to smithereens… then he was going to make sure to be there to split him down the middle himself.

Suddenly, a huge silver back fell from the sky and slammed to the ground before him. Raj pulled the reins back hard and Cinnamon had to put her back paws into the sand to stop only inches from the 8 foot tall gorilla. Raj snarled, "What's the meaning of this?"

The huge beast growled, "The Queen has summoned your presence at the castle, immediately."

Raj spun the Yorkie around with the reins and let out a burst of air, "Are you saying that the Queen trusts that those… Clamotons… will be enough to destroy the Alician?"

The gorilla's face showed no interest in anything he was saying, "I know nothing of what the Queen believes other than she requests your company, now."

The black knight looked towards the shore and could see the Bandersnatch inching closer to battle. He looked at the silver back with a painfully angry face then yanked the reins and headed back towards the castle. The gorilla bent down then sprang up into the air.

* * *

The Lighthouse was closer, now as Sheldon was beginning to get used to the rocking of the galumphing. In the distance, he heard a loud yelling and he looked over his shoulder to see trees falling in a line, heading away from him. He didn't see a threat, so turned his attention back to the Lighthouse. As he turned his head back, his eyes went completely wide, "Snicker-snack!"

The Bandersnatch stopped dead in the sand and Sheldon gripped the saddle horn and just stared at the rows and rows of sickled armed, horseshoe crabbed headed monstrosities. There, standing behind the army on a rock buried in the sand, was a walrus with human like features wearing a black coat with a white vest underneath. Beside the walrus was an African American woman in faded and torn jeans with a flat, tan belt that held tools of all nature, and a hammer in her hand looking very distraught. The walrus put a fin to its tusked mouth and cleared its throat and called out with a male voice, "A pleasure to finally meet the so called Hero. You can turn around right now and possibly live a little bit longer or you can keep coming and we'll finally get to see our baby clams in action. Either way, you will not be getting the Oraculum today, Alician."

Sheldon did love a good challenge, but something was off about this. There were only 35 Clamotons in a row. Now, he knew this world was a little backwards here and there, but even he believed that when they say 'army' they do not mean five rows of seven. He remembered what Leonard told him about the Clamotons being unstable. If he WERE to actually defeat these 35 bombs waiting to go off, he was sure that hundreds more would pour out. He whispered softly into the air, "Now what?"

He felt a slight pressure on top of his head and he looked up at the crouching Cheshire. She smiled down at him with her hood up, "You want to know why the Bandersnatch is so hard to catch?" She hopped off his to rest on the Bandersnatch's ear. He looked out at the small regime then back at her, "Is this relevant to my current standoff?"

Penny looked at him with a smile and raised brows, "Has anything I told you been unrelevant?"

Sheldon's eye twitched, "That's not a word."

Penny grinned, "You were supposed to say, 'why was the Bandersnatch hard to catch when all _I_ did was play fetch with it and it fell in love with me'. "

Sheldon looked over to see the Walrus fidgeting and whispering to the woman beside him and he looked back at the cat woman, "Alright… alright… why?"

Penny smiled and plucked a huge quill from the Bandersnatch's back and walked to a hefty rock in the sand then lifted the quill over her hand and slammed it down against the rock. It shattered the rock into rubble and sand. She tossed the quill to the side and smiled, "Because nothing but kindness can catch a Bandersnatch. Everything else is just in the way. Do you understand?"

Sheldon looked at the top of the Bandersnatch's head very closely. He never noticed that underneath all the wired hair and monstrous barbs that his skin almost looked metallic. An indestructible bulldozer of a creature… and it was on HIS side. He looked back at the cat with a smile, but she was already gone.

He let the smile fade off his face and he narrowed his eyes as he spoke to his lumbering friend, "We need to set those Clamotons off. Alright my friend, listen closely... I have a new trick for you to learn."

* * *

Sheldon walked beside the Bandersnatch with his football shoulder pads, rubber boot, and metal boot on. He threw away the Viking helmet and was sort of missing it now that he was actually going into battle. He held the beast's ear in his hand as they approached the emotionless group of shelled soldiers. He saw the Walrus hop off his rock and stood just slightly in front of it while staring intently. Sheldon really hoped that the creature beside him was as smart as he believed it to be or otherwise this plan would be a disaster. He gave his companion's ear a squeeze and the creature stopped.

Sheldon took a few steps forward toward the short army no taller than 4 foot and cleared his throat, "Attention Clamotons. I do not think you know who you are dealing with. This is the Bandersnatch." He stepped to the side to allow the cluster to see the monster behind him. The beast bared its jagged mouth as a gnarly growl rumbled from it gullet. Thick gelatinous strains of saliva plummeted to the sand as the beast stood up tall on its armadillo feet. Sheldon smiled as the Clamotons all snuck to the sand at the huge creature. He continued with lots of energy in his body language, "This creature devoured a whole pod of Poisonous Pickidillies. He swallowed the bombterous left claw of the Powdered Lobster. He ripped apart the thunderously massive Killer Clouded Whale. And did I mention that his teeth could crush the shell of a Resilient Humpbacked Tortoise." He watched the little Clamotons begin to shake as they all looked over at the Bandersnatch. Sheldon moved far away and gave the beast a wink.

The Bandersnatch's front four legs left the ground and they slammed into the sand and it gave a wailing roar. All 35 of the Clamotons flinched and covered their faces with their sickled hands then all began to rattle at once. Sheldon's eyes widened as they began to explode sending sand and fire into the air making shards of glass raining out. He was too close to one and it exploded, sending him flying backwards and hitting the sand hard while rolling. He had to admit that the impact hurt, but he didn't seem to have suffered any damage to his hearing or his persons. He looked over at the Walrus and watches it put the tips of its fins in its fat, whiskered mouth and heard a slight boatswain's whistle come from it.

Sheldon saw movement from the Lighthouse and began to stand without taking his eyes off it as Clamotons crawled from the other side to the front of the building like cockroaches. He backed away as more began to emerge from all around the castle like building. He looked over at the Walrus again to see it dusting off its jacket then back at the legion of Clamotons keeping him from the Lighthouse and stopped in mid stride, backwards. Sheldon hated whistling and humming and singing, not because he couldn't do them, but because everyone else who did were never on the right key. If you're going to do something… do it right. Sheldon took in a very deep breath and put both his index and middle fingers in his mouth and did a perfect pitched whistle that made the Bandersnatch's ears stand up. The creature's ears went flat on its head and gave a thunderous roar. It charged forward towards the next wave of Clamotons and barreled through them leaving traces of explosion on the sand. Sheldon smiled as some Clamotons exploded from the Lighthouse and nowhere near the beast. He counted to ten in his mind and then took off behind the Bandersnatch that was now heading for the large red door on the side of the Lighthouse.

The Carpenter and the Walrus both gasped as both understood his plan. The Bandersnatch plowed through the red wood causing some of the Clamotons to explode just above the gaping hole. Sheldon dove, head first just as the rubble of brick from the Lighthouse wall fell. He barely made it in through the obstacle as he rolled a few time then got to his feet, sliding slightly from the dusty concrete flooring. The Bandersnatch happily trotted to the man who was dusting off his pants and Sheldon scratched the beast's ear, "Well done, Bandie." The beast purred grotesquely, but still made the man smile.

"I am so jealous of you two. Giving him nick names and rubbing his ear. You don't do that for me."

Sheldon turned to see the Cheshire frowning dramatically while lying on her back with her head upside down while looking at him while floating. He cleared his throat and hid the blush the best he could, "How do you know that this creature is a 'He'?"

She then grinned and spun around to float to the ground, "If I have to explain that to you then someone in your life has been lying to you your entire life. Anyways… You're in. Only problem is, you didn't get the Carpenter to reveal the location."

Sheldon looked around the small room that was nearly barren. He saw an opening in the wall and he moved to it. He walked inside and saw three different ways to go. To his right were stairs going up. In front of him were stairs going down. Then to his left was a door that said 'Thiscombobulated'. Sheldon looked back at the Cheshire who was rubbing the Bandersnatch's belly and the sound of hammering came from the other side of the wall behind him. The Cheshire disappeared as the Bandersnatch flipped back to its feet as Sheldon moved to stand beside his companion.

The wall filled with spider webs of cracks at the hammering got stronger. He hissed in the air, "I need a weapon."

The cracks grew taller on the wall as he stood almost defenseless. Suddenly, the Cheshire appeared above him with an arm of a Clamoton and dropped it into his hands. He looked up at her in disgust, "Is this what I think it is?"

She shrugged, "It was all I could find."

The wall shattered and crumbled down in an arched hole just as the Cheshire disappeared again. Sheldon coughed from the dust collection and saw a woman's silhouette standing menacingly. Her hair was in a ponytail and she had a hammer in both hands. She wore a tan cloth over her mouth and she had her legs shoulder length apart.

Sheldon swallowed deeply, "Please. I just need to find the Oraculum. I do not wish to hurt you."

The woman walked inside and looked like a dusty ninja. One of the hammers in her left hand suddenly changed into a long spiked railroad hammer then she spoke with regret in her voice, "I'm sorry, but the Queen has my family. If I bring her your head… she'll set them free. Forgive me, Alician, but I cannot let you live."

Sheldon's eyes went wide as Clamotons began crawling and swarming on the wall behind her. The Bandersnatch roared and snorted. The woman bolted forward in warrior speed and Sheldon looked at the arm and threw it in her direction. It slowed her down enough for him to dodge the strike of the railroad hammer. The Clamotons in the Lighthouse all swarmed at the Bandersnatch. A few landed on his head and caused the creature to roll leaving pot holes where they exploded underneath him.

Sheldon dodged the thrown hammer that cracked the wall it stuck into after missing him. Sheldon looked at it then towards the Carpenter who seemed to be manifesting tools from her endless supply of her belt. After being missed with a few more ninja-star hammers, Sheldon bolted for the corridor. The Carpenter gripped the end of a tape measurer and flung the bulbous end in an angle and it wrapped around his legs. Sheldon tumbled to the ground just short of the doorway and turned to see the woman running at him with an old fashion labrys over her head. Sheldon untangled the tape measurer and yelled out to the air, "PENNY!"

The Carpenter swung down and Sheldon closed his eyes tightly waiting for the pain of the axe. He opened them quickly and saw the Cheshire standing above him with her grip firmly clasped at the juncture of the axe head and the staff. The Carpenter's eyes were wide as she looked at the cat as if seeing a ghost, which wasn't too off.

Penny snarled at the woman and spoke, "Do you actually think that the Queen is going to free you and your family just because you kill the Alician? Do you even know if they're alive? Has she giving you any proof? You know, deep down, that she already fed them to the Jabberwocky. You are fighting a war that isn't even yours. Help us. Only then will you know for sure if your family is alive."

Sheldon stood up and saw the devastated look on the woman's face as her grip weakened on the double-edged axe. He felt a pain in his chest and compassion for her. He never felt this way for anyone other than his self. He on the other side of the Cheshire and touched the woman's hand on the handle, "Know this, Carpenter, if your family IS alive… I WILL save them."

The woman looked into his eyes and her body relaxed as the axe shifted into a small hammer. She pulled herself away from the two and put the hammer back into the holder. She dusted herself off and sighed, "The Oraculum is behind the door to the left. It'll be in the third room on your right."

Sheldon nodded softly, "Thank you."

The Carpenter nodded and spoke as if reading from a book, "_The heroes friends are far and few, he will lose them two by two. Though his heart is in the right place, he finds all his efforts are but a waste. He'll find his victory more pain than bliss, and leave like he came… with a bitter kiss. _I don't know how you're going to beat the Queen of Spades and her monster, but know that her heart does not lie with the Knave or even her chest… it's hidden and only the Jabberwocky knows where it is."

The Carpenter took a step back then ran out the gaping hole. Sheldon didn't have time to question what the Carpenter said as the Clamotons all began to explode as if knowing they were defeated. Penny disappeared as Sheldon bolted to the corridor. He yelled at his companion to get out and he obliged by ramming through the side of the wall.

* * *

Sheldon yanked open the door that was labeled 'Thiscombobulated' and stared down the hall lit with nothing but randomly placed candles. It was as if it were in another dimension. Behind the door was noise of explosions and rocks tumbling down, but in the new hallway was as if nothing were happening. He closed the door behind him and all the noise ceased. He moved to the third open room on the right and just stared at it in horror. It looked to be sideways with the right side being the 'right side up'. Sheldon shook his head and looked at the next room to the left of it and just shook his head… it was liking the room was an open door to the ocean. It looked like a coral reef filled with exotic fish. He shook his head with his mouth agape. He reached his hand into it then pulled it out and turned it over to watch the water drip to the green carpeted floor. He just shook his head and squared back up the other room that was sideways.

"Are you really just going to jump on in there? What if you fall and snap your neck? Well, in reality, you'd be dead."

Sheldon rolled his eyes. He was getting used to the cat just appearing out of nowhere when he was trying to think. He was beginning to wonder if the cat was actually a part of his mind or just a really helpful spirit, "Thank you for that. So tell me, how do I safely enter this room?"

Penny floated above him and looked at the room every which-a-way she could turn in mid air, "I would say, one foot at a time. If you go two feet at a time, you're a two foot too in."

Sheldon shook his head, "Always a pleasure matching wits with you, Kitten."

He looked over at her with an amused but sarcastic look and she smiled her smile and gave him a wink as she left nothing but her grin before disappearing completely. He turned his attention back to the doorway and put one foot out and closed his eyes before stepping inside completely.

As he opened his eyes, he watched the room spin to the right way up before his foot hit the floor. He stepped out of what looked like an upside down painting of a candle on the wall. He looked around a rather clustered room. It reminded him of a library or study where a man of science worked. He looked at a few long pieces of paper unraveled on a desk. It was a sketch of one of the Clamotons. It had many equations written and not one of them made sense to him.

He looked up the stairs and saw a sheet nailed across one of the long windows. He then saw a little source of light to his right. He walked over and saw the horizon of the ocean with the sun to the right and the moon on the left, both in the sky high above. The closer he got to the window, the further away the moon and sun got. Sheldon backed up until the back of his legs hit the edge of a small table behind him and he noticed that the moon and sun were nearly side by side.

… _behind the sky where the sun and the moon mingle. When both come to the same conclusion, the horizon will split and open wide._

"Come to the same conclusion?" He spoke out loud as he kept moving his head back and forth.

He reached out to the window and shocked himself as his finger stopped as if it were touching a computer screen. Sheldon pursed his lips and reached up and put a finger on the sun. He dragged his finger and smiled as the sun followed it. He took his finger off and it went back to its original place. He lifted both arms and put one finger on the moon and one on the sun and spoke out loud again, "The same conclusion…" he slid the two under his fingers to the same spot in the middle of the window, "… the same point. Clever rabbit."

A line fell in the middle and the scenery folded up like a curtain and he smiled at the large, two foot long scroll inside the cabinet. He reached in and took the rather light object and shook it as if something would rattle inside it. When he pulled it all the way out he felt a jolt and shook his head clear. He turned around and found himself in a vast garden with black and red grass. There were red bushes in shapes of diamond and hearts; and black bushes in shapes of spades and 'puppy dog feet' (his Memaw called the suit of Clubs that so HE did). He took a few steps then notices a huge, looming shadow growing from behind him and he spun around to stare at the greenish golden eyes of a monstrous dragon. He could only assume what the creature was as he let out a soft whisper as the monster let out a shrill roar, "Jabberwocky."


	4. Of rock and royalty

**_Of rock and royalty_**

_The hero faces his immortal foe with no weapon or hope in sight. He must have known that it was only a matter of time, while traipsing through Hell that he was going to finally run into the devil. Hopefully his ever phasing friend can find him or he's going to be dragon bait. _

* * *

Sheldon was tremendously afraid. He gripped the scroll in his hand as if urging it to change into a teleporting device. The creature was massive and definitely worth the fears of the people. The creature was a smooth black, but he could see spots in the hide. The tentacle barbs were fluid and seemed to move on their own without the beast's consent. He could feel a breathtakingly powerful charge of energy coming from it as all the hairs on his body rose. He saw flickering bolts of lightning surging around the tentacles and began to converge at the buck teeth of the dragon. It was going to electrocute him!

Sheldon flipped the Oraculum in his left hand and bent down to pick up a pretty big rock he felt under his rubber boot. Boots! He threw the rock and it hit the monster in the eye and made the dragon pause just enough to get his metallic boot off and launch it into the monster's mouth. The electric charge backfired and exploded into the dragon's mouth. Sheldon hugged the scroll and took off towards what looked like the entrance to a castle. The Jabberwocky's piercing scream was filled with rage and Sheldon could feel the pounding of the monster behind him.

He reached the door to the castle, but there was no handle anywhere; only a single key hole. Sheldon looked back at the dragon then kneeled down to look into the key hole. He leaned against the handleless door and hugged the Oraculum while trying to think. The door swung open and caused him to flail inside and right onto his back. A woman stared down at him with a spade patch over her left eye dressed in black. She looked outside then back down at him.

Sheldon scrambled to his feet and pointed frantically at the door, "Hurry… the dragon is coming… close the door. HURRY!"

Sheldon backed up more as the Jabberwocky slammed itself at the entrance and let out a terrible roar. The woman raised her hand and the beast closed its mouth, "How did you get into my garden? Or better yet, how did you get past my Jabberwocky? Come and address your Queen, peasant."

He swallowed and stood straight, "My Queen?" His eyes went wide as his sight went back to the eye patch, "Y-you're the Queen of Spades. Then I do believe this meeting has been a long time coming. I am Sheldon Lee Cooper… and I am the Alician."

The Jabberwocky flinched with a slight hint of fear as the woman's face was in a shocked state. Sheldon heard a strange sound of movement from above and he looked up. All around him, on the ceiling, on the banisters, even standing only a few feet away, were primates of all species standing tall like humans. They were not threatening, but curious. He looked back at the Queen and her face turned into an equal curiosity but the Jabberwocky looked angry.

Sheldon swallowed, "As to how I got here… I have no certainty of the means."

The Queen turned and whispered to her irritated dragon that grew angry when the woman closed the door behind her. He could hear its livid screech behind closed doors. The woman smiled and circled around him as if he were in a cage and she the shark, "You are not what I expected."

Sheldon scrunched his face, "And what, exactly, were you expecting?"

She laughed and began to walk down the corridor then stopped, "A sword wielding Neanderthal, marauding and yelling to assert his dominance. But you… you will be much more of a challenge. I can see you are a man of contemplation and calculations. That just may make our battle fiercer. Tell me, what do they call you?"

Sheldon looked around at his options for escaped and saw only one, but it was through the Queen herself, "My given name is Sheldon Lee Cooper, but you may call me Doctor Cooper."

The Queen's blue eye under the spade patch flared a little and she smiled, "Very well. Then, you may call me by MY given name… Your Majesty."

Two large mandrills fell to the ground behind him baring their large fangs. Sheldon swallowed and dared not to make a sudden move. He wanted to question her why she had so many primates surrounding her, but he thought twice when the mandrills put each of their hand-like paws on his shoulder and squeezed tightly. Suddenly, in snap of thought, he had his plan. It was rather foolish, but it would get him past the Queen. He swallowed and spoke, "Yes. Well, I have a question, Your Majesty… how can you stand surrounding yourself with so many primates? I can only imagine the stench is atrocious. Take these two behind me. One smells like a trash full of fish and toenails while the other smells like a sack of dandelions and honey."

Both the mandrill smiled. The one gripping Sheldon's right shoulder grunted and took his hand off to swat at the other mandrill, "He wasn't talking about you, you grub eating dung beetle."

The other mandrill snarled as his grip left Sheldon's shoulder and it roared at the insulting mandrill and the two began to brawl right behind Sheldon. The brawl got the attention of all the other primates as they began to holler and roar and Sheldon smiled. His plan worked. The Queen stepped away from the door to yell at her associates and Sheldon took off running past her.

The corridor was long and only got longer to him. He saw no stairs or doors, only windows far above his head. Sheldon looked back and his eyes widened at the sight of all sorts of monkeys swinging from the overhangs on the ceiling and Sheldon turned and took off running, but was stifled at the sight of a black knight with his pulsing sword unsheathed. Sheldon shook his head and gripped the Oraculum to his chest. A large red howler monkey swooped in and scooped Sheldon up with one arm. Sheldon looked at the monkey's hand and actually found the strength to do his next move. He bit the monkey's hand. It screamed and launched the man right out the window as the black knight yelled.

As Sheldon floated out past the castle, he saw almost all of Wonderland… then the drop that was definitely going to kill him. He screamed at the top of his lungs and almost passed out, but he saw movement to his left. The sight of the Jabberwocky flying right at him with a ball of electricity in his mouth made him do swimming movement in the air, but going absolutely nowhere but down. Gravity was one heartless bitch. Sheldon could only watch with bright, wide eyes that reflected the massive blob of energy being shot right at him. It was so powerful that the force behind it sent the Jabberwocky backwards. All the man could do was grip the Oraculum and close his eyes.

"Sheldon!"

Sheldon's eyes flew open and he turned to his back. His heart nearly played hop-scotch as he saw the Cheshire diving to him. He smiled and gave out a happy grunt of a laugh as he extended his free arm to allow the cat woman access to hug. She quickly gripped around him with her arms and the both of them disappeared in thin air as the surge crashed into the side of the castle.

* * *

The two of them reappeared right above the Hatter's table as they both crashed into it, Sheldon first. Everyone around it yelped in surprise and slid their chairs out. Sheldon just stayed there on his back and stared up at the trees and sky merging with a very warm woman on top of him. He took in a deep breath and sat up with his brand new scrolled companion gripped to his chest and Penny disappeared. Before he could call out to her, Howard squeaked out, "He has the Oraculum!"

The creatures looked to have doubled. Among most he could see were small fairies, real bears made of a gummy substance, a fat Cyclops made of green and yellow fur, and human sized birds. They all exploded in joy as they began to pass around the tea pot. Sheldon shook his head and got off the table and was met with the Hatter shaking his hand, "Well done! YES, YOU DID SO WELL."

Sheldon ripped his hand away, "Do you have any idea what I just went through? I almost got killed by the Queen and her horde of primates. Not to mention a little face to face with the Jabberwocky."

At the sound of the dragon's name, everyone fell silent. Sheldon looked around and nodded callously, "Oh yes. When I took the Oraculum, I was teleported to the garden of the Queen of Spades where she keeps her Jabberwocky. I was all alone with no weapon other than my mind. Explain this to me… how am I going to defeat all the monkey squad, the black knight, AND the Jabberwocky by myself? I am not a fighter. I am just a physicist from Texas. I cannot do this alone."

"You're never alone, you dummy."

He turned to the cat woman with an irritated look, "If I'm not mistaken, it was I ALONE in that castle fighting for my li…"

She cut him off with a low growl, "I'M SORRY. I should've told you that I couldn't manifest in the Queen's Castle. I am sorry. I really am, but never believe that you'll have to do any of this alone."

His look softened as he saw the apologetic look on the cat woman's face, "I… I am sorry. I lost my composure. I had to bite the hand of a very sketchy looking monkey, so it may be the rabies." She tilted her head, "Rabies?"

Sheldon shook his head, "Never mind." This moment, he found himself looking around to find his quilled companion, "Where is the Bandersnatch?"

Penny turned dramatically to get his sight looking one way as she disappeared to leave no obstruction. He saw trees falling and birds flying off coming closer and closer before the Bandersnatch launched himself into the clearing with his long black tongue drooping out of his mouth. All the creatures at the table screamed of fear and scattered. Some went underneath the table while other flew to the trees. The Bandersnatch slid to a stop right in front of him and Sheldon smiled then scratched behind the creature's ear carefully, "Good boy."

He looked back at the Hatter underneath the table then presented the Oraculum like a sword, "I have this, now. What's next?"

The Hatter nodded while slipping from underneath the table, "I would believe you need to find the Gryphon. OR THE JUBJUB BIRD. Either one will be a challenge to capture."

Sheldon looked at the Bandersnatch, "I do not wish to capture them."

Penny reappeared, "Not all the creatures are like the Bandersnatch. You saw that with the Jabberwocky. The Gryphon is a creature of knowledge. She will challenge your mind. The Jubjub bird is a creature of competition. You'll have to beat HER in a race up in the air. When or if you do, they'll HAVE to answer to you."

Sheldon rolled his eyes and shook his head, "It was never going to be easy, was it?"

Penny smiled, "Adventure is never just one page over, my dear hero."

Sheldon sighed internally then walked to the table. He looked up at some of the characters who still showed fear towards the monster behind him and he slammed the Oraculum on the table and got everyone's attention. Some still hid in the trees, but most came closer to the table or at least got from underneath it. The scroll had a small red tab and resembled the cylinder mechanism for the security cages over the stores in a mall. He pulled the red tab and the scroll unraveled smoothly until a large portion was exposed over tea plates and utensils.

Penny floated over Sheldon's head as some careened their necks to look over at it and Sheldon's eyes widened at the detail on the paper. It was like looking at a high definition, 3D screen of a 32 inch LED screen right at the large land of Wanderland. It was an imageless blob surrounded by a deep purple ocean. He looked up at all the creatures staring down at the image in wonder. He looked up at Penny who had her eyes squinted then looked down at him, "Maybe you should ask it a question."

He looked back down and nodded, "Ummm… Oraculum… could you please show me where the Gryphon is?"

The image suddenly jerked towards the land and everyone gave an awed sound as it flowed from where they were to a very unsound mountain range that seemed to lean from one side to another slowly. The image zoomed into the mountain ranges and straight to a pole with the Gryphon chained to it. The creature was a statue. He looked up at the Hatter just beside him, "Why is that creature stone?"

The Hatter didn't speak, only shrugged his confusion. When he looked back at the Oraculum, it zoomed back out then faded to the white paper. Sheldon looked up at Penny, "Is the Gryphon always incased in stone or is that part of the challenge?"

She softly smiled her grin, "It is not something she wanted, let's put it that way."

Sheldon blinked and Penny rolled from the air to stand behind him and she spoke, "I told you she would challenge your mind I didn't say how. What were you expecting; a quiz?"

Sheldon sighed as he allowed the Oraculum to roll itself back and he turned, "Yes. That, I could almost handle."

Penny chuckled and showed her fangs, "Really? You must have forgotten where you are. Do you think that any kind of quiz in this land was going to be logical? Why is a raven like a writing desk?"

Sheldon furrowed his brows as all the creatures stared at him with quizzical looks. He let the question linger in his mind at the possibilities and Penny gave him a smug look. Sheldon shook his head, "There is no logical explanation."

Penny's face went serious, "A raven is like a writing desk because a man can see one every day, but there is no guarantee that it was the same one as yesterday."

Sheldon shook his head, "Is that the answer?"

Penny shrugged, "Is it? Look, just remember where you are. Just because it doesn't make sense; doesn't mean that it won't work."

Sheldon, though highly irritated that he could not answer the riddle, just took the advice with a sour sigh, "How do we get to that mountain range I saw on the Oraculum?"

The Hatter spoke behind them, "Now that you have the Oraculum, you can travel anywhere in Wonderland. JUST THINK ABOUT WHERE YOU NEED TO GO DOWN THE ENCHANTED PATH AND **_BOOM_**… YOU'RE THERE!"

Sheldon nodded then moved to the Bandersnatch and hopped into the saddle, "Are you all going to be safe while I am gone? I think the Queen knows where I am and has eyes on me."

Stuart stood beside Bernadette and licked his lips, "Don't worry about us. WE DID OUR PART. We got the hero on the right path. WHEN YOU DEFEAT THE EVIL WITCH, ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS TO US WON'T BE IN VAIN." All the creatures chittered in nervous acceptance. That only made the bile in his throat burn. These creatures could die and all they cared about was that he was on the 'right path'. He wanted to yell at them for being so foolish, but the Cheshire's voice sung out to only a whisper so that he alone could hear, "Don't take their sacrifice as a sign they're just going to lie still and take an axe. These creatures are the masters of hiding and running. That's why they haven't been caught."

He nodded his head, reassured somewhat, "Brillig!"

The Bandersnatch took off in the gaping hole of the forest he made as Penny evaporated. The creature's six legs crushed against the brown, enchanted, and dusty path. Sheldon did as the Hatter told him. He pulled the scroll out and pictured the mountain range he was shown where the Gryphon in stone was held as they all galumphed along. Suddenly, the Oraculum buzzed full of energy in his hands. He fought the urge to throw it down and in a flashing snap; the two were jerked forward by a powerful force and launched them as if they were in a sling shot. The scenery blurred into streams of colors and finally slowed. The Bandersnatch's feet slammed into the mud and rock as he tried to stop their collision into the stoned Gryphon. The sudden stop caused Sheldon to once again roll over the top of the beast's head and kept rolling until his butt hit the post that the stone creature was attached to. The Oraculum rolled beside him and zipped its paper back inside.

Sheldon blew air from his mouth making his lips bounce as he looked back at the Bandersnatch, upside down, "I do believe that it is time to install a seat belt."

The Bandersnatch gave a grotesque growl in agreement as he wagged his monstrous tail and let his black tongue droop out his mouth. Sheldon pushed himself up off the pole and stood. As he stood, his eyes were glued to the beast before him. It was a creature half the size of the Bandersnatch and only stood 5'8 with all four eagle feet on the ground. Its long body was lion like, but furred like feathers. The wings were large, but were in a rested position against its body. The tips of the wings were well longer than its body. Its head was formed like a lion's but had the face of a very angry eagle. Its beak was wide open with the worm like tongue wiggled from the mouth. Its tail was long and full of thick feathers until the tip. The tip was a ball of fur. It was impossible to tell what color the creature was because of the thick grey casing.

* * *

Sheldon took the opportunity to look around for any kind of clues as to whom or what turned the Gryphon into a statue. All he saw as he looked around where the creature was held were rock walls as high as the eye could see. The path way behind the post was dark and nothing visible to see. He looked back behind him and saw the same pathway, but the walls had moss on them. There were no holes or cracks in these walls so that marked out any Medusa like creatures. The walls were also very slick and had no angle to them. Just a straight shot upwards. They were also too close together to allow a creature with a wide wingspan to fly within the walls. Sheldon made sure to make a mental note of that.

The Bandersnatch was sniffing the stone creature as Sheldon did a check of the ground. It was just as much stone as the creature was. If a creature WERE to drill through this thick substance, it would be completely visible to his eyes. Nothing.

He then began to do a check on the post and the chain. The post, though made of wood, was stiffened to a very strong hold. It was as if the post, also, was stoned. The chain seemed no different than the chains in his world so he followed it to a thick, prong collar. The points of the collar were stuck in the stoned creature just at the tips where they touched the neck. There was nothing to suggest that any of the equipment caused the stoning. That left him only one last resort, "Alright Penny. How do I go about finding the cure to this ailment?"

Penny was perched on top of the post as she spoke, "The first thing I'd do… go ask the Stoners."

Sheldon's brow went down, "What would a group of marijuana smokers have to do with this?"

Penny tilted her head, "Marywho? No, no… The people of Shifting Rock are called Stoners. They are literally made of stone much like everything else in their town… but things don't normally CHANGE into rock just because they come here."

Sheldon groaned and banged his head on the post, "I have to meet more people? What if they do not know anything or worse… what if they caused her disorder? Why can I not just chisel her free?"

Penny floated around the Gryphon then shrugged, "That may not be a rocky casing… could be she got completely turned to stone. In that case, you'd turn her into a pile of pebble."

Sheldon gave a sigh and walked in front of the statue and wondered if the beast could hear him. He nodded to himself then spoke to the figure with a loud, stern voice, "I will find the cure for your predicament, but in return I wish for you to join me in my advance against the Queen of Spades. If you are as wise as my comrade has described, I would more than enjoy your company. I know you cannot move, but if you could make a noise or some sort of acknowledgement of our accord now would be the time."

Penny puffed out in smoke then back to the tip of the post and stared down at the figure as she crouched down in her Converses. Sheldon could hear a small noise from the rock. He leaned in and spoke normally, "If that was you, make two of those noises if you will take my offer."

Penny gave a smile as the statue made two low moaning calls and disappeared into streams of pink and purple. Sheldon gave a big grin, "Come, Bandie…" The Bandersnatch, who had been curled into a bored ball on the ground, hopped up in an excited manner and headed to Sheldon. He grabbed the Oraculum then mounted his companion and opened the scroll and spoke to the paper, "… please take me to the town of Shifting Rock."

The two were once again grabbed by an unknown force and shot into unseen space. When the two came out, they were only pushed a few feet since they were not moving at the time of their 'warp'. Sheldon grabbed the saddle horn and did not come off the creature's neck.

He regained his focus and his jaw went slack at the incredible site of a rocked world. Everything was made of some kind of mineral or rock of some sort. The trees looked like imprints from fossils, while the animals had color from the many types of quartz or marble. Every single thing in the vicinity was a masterpiece.

"Brillig."

The Bandersnatch took off down the slate path. Bushes and trees changed shape and color, but not the rocky consistency. Then, he saw the town's entrance. It was carved directly into a mountain, "Snick-snack."

He and his companion stared at the long, tunnel like entrance into the mountain and felt a jolt up his spine. He felt his companion also tensing up underneath him. Something wasn't right…

Sheldon heard the echoes of many screams from the tunnel and before he could yell their 'go' word… the Bandersnatch launched into the darkened tunnel at a full run.


	5. The Gryphon and the smoking monkey

_A/N_

_I don't know if I've mentioned this, but Alice and Wonderland is done by Lewis Carroll. I have been quoting some of her works in this story and now I will mention that I quoted Lewis Carroll's poem All In The Golden Afternoon for a password for our lovely Queen of Spades. _

_This chapter may be a slight different tilt from the other fun loving chapters. I want you to see just how dark this world really is under all its craziness. The upcoming Jubjub bird is going to be a slight rendering on my part. Anyways, I hope you're all enjoying this... especially you Jislane... *grins*_

* * *

**_The Gryphon and the smoking monkey_**

_The town of Shifting Rock is under attack and our hero springs into action. What our hero doesn't know is that the Queen has sent her deadliest transmutation… Ricky._

* * *

The Queen's spade patch blared a mist of black as she watched the Cheshire and the Alician disappear. She spun around at the two mandrills, who were quivering to the ground, and raised her left hand to let two bolts of blackness crash against the two and they both melted into puddles of grey, blue, and pink. She twisted her body and moved down the corridor until she got to a room leading down a spiraling staircase that resembled a spinal cord all the way down. She took the boned staircase until she got to the bottom and paused. It was a very compact alley with only three doors. The one to the left was just a big wooden door with a plank in front. The one to the right was made of thick bars and a place for a single key in it. The one in front was checkered with streams of electric lasers.

She stepped to the middle and a snake-like wire came down from nowhere then bent towards her left eye and scanned it. It swept back up and the bars of energy zipped open. She moved inside.

The walls were metallic and resembled the bottom of an alligator's belly. The Queen's shoes clicked along the grated bridge to the next door that resembled a bank's vault. She cleared her throat,  
_"The dream-child moving through a land  
Of wonders wild and new,  
In friendly chat with bird or beast-  
And half believe it true."_

The stronghold began to open itself as more doors seemed to open behind it. A thick, concrete wall slid up to the ceiling while one metallic door divided into quarters and opened up to every wall. It went on and on until 13 doors opened to reveal a dark room with a single beam of light hitting a small cage that was suspended in mid air by a thick cable. The Queen's boots clicked against the same grate that led to the dark room and stepped down into the damp, dreary room to the small cage where a capuchin smoking a cigarette was leaning against the corner of the cage.

"Hello Ricky. How would you like to earn your freedom?"

The small monkey took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it out against his palm then ate the bud and gave a smile with his head cocked to the side.

* * *

Sheldon and the Bandersnatch bowled through the rock tunnel then cut to the right and the beast slid to a stop. Sheldon's eyes were wide at the utter destruction of a stone town. It was town that looked to be right out of a western movie, but made of pure rock… except that the first few buildings were nothing but a pile of rubble. There were people running from the destruction past him and his steed. They looked like ancient Greek statues. Every man, woman, and child looked exactly alike except for the colors of stone. Even the animals looked alike and were a variant in color of stone, as well.

Sheldon nearly jumped out of his saddle as a series of explosions fired off and destroyed a few more rows of buildings. Pieces of human statue flew in every direction until an arm fell and slid to the Bandersnatch's foot. Sheldon yelped then shook himself as he found a curve under the saddle horn to secure the Oraculum safely. He popped it there as the Bandersnatch crouched and began to growl making Sheldon look towards the balloon of smoke and falling debris. He saw a blurred silhouette within the fog. There was a small red dot from the head of the silhouette that made Sheldon squint and try to see the figure better. As the smog began to clear, the shadow began to shrink and take a more palpable form.

"A capuchin?"

The small monkey cowboy-walked forward until it was visible. It wore a small hoodie with a small Bob-Omb on the front of it with a kangaroo pocket. It reached up and clamped the cigarette with its index and middle finger and pulled it away from its mouth and blew a three ring tower of smoke.

"That is one cool looking monkey."

Sheldon jumped at the cat woman's voice. He looked over his shoulder to the woman balancing herself on the end of a quill. Penny's posture changed drastically as the monkey came into focus a little better. She stood up and her ears perked making Sheldon's head snap towards where she was looking.

The monkey threw down the cigarette and stepped on it then reached into his kangaroo pocket and pulled out a small, golf ball sized bomb and tossed it right at them. Penny disappeared and Sheldon dove out of the saddle. He hit the ground and rolled out of control losing his Viking helmet and shoulder pads from the impact but still felt the heat from the explosion. By the time he stopped rolling the Bandersnatch had roared and charged the monkey.

The agility of the smoking monkey was unsound at best, but it still managed to dodge the huge beast's attack. It reached into its pocket again and stared dead at Sheldon. He scrambled up to his feet but the bomb was already in mid air heading for him. He suddenly felt a weight on top of his head that pushed it to the ground. He heard the explosion over his head, but felt nothing from it.

The monkey squealed in fear as the weight off Sheldon's head alleviated and he looked up at the back of his Cheshire cohort. He looked back where the monkey was and saw the fear in its eyes. Sheldon got up off the ground and dusted himself off as the Bandersnatch galumphed to his side.

Penny's cat-like hands were charred and bloodied, but the profile of her face didn't show signs of pain… it was twisted in a much angrier look. Sheldon watched her hands heal in a matter of seconds as the paws seemed to be growing. The pink and purple tint to her skin looked to be flushed but further analysis revealed that it was just the small fur on all over her body standing on end. Her cat-like ears were now straight back and her fangs were visible in a very malevolent snarl. When she spoke, it was a deep, guttural rumble from her throat, "Ricky."

Sheldon side stepped and watched as Penny's hood flipped up on top of her head by itself then the entire coat began to stretch all over her body as her form began to change in a blink of an eye. The stripes of pink and purple began to grow fur as her tail elongated and thickened. Her pink and purple striped cheetah form was only a few feet shorter than the Bandersnatch. Her body was lean but muscular and her ears were pointed with a tassel of striped fur fanning from the tips. Her fangs were thick and sharp with her eyes deep teal and black around them. She roared and made Ricky, Sheldon, and the Bandersnatch jump back. It wasn't a roar of a tiger or a lion… it was a roar of a woman and it was meant to terrify.

Before Sheldon could think, Penny's form pounced forward with Barry Allen approved speed. Ricky's cigarette fell out of his mouth as he let out an alarmed squeal. He barely jumped high enough to dodge the velociraptor talons and the hungry jaws. Sheldon couldn't move as he watched the monkey throw small bombs at the large cat but only managed to anger her more.

Ricky's agile movements were irrational but Penny's ability to transfigure her form in and out was making the monkey's escape non-existing. Ricky climbed the few standing buildings, but Penny's aggressive form met him half way above. He screamed and threw a bomb, but the cat was gone in a flash to meet him down on the ground. Ricky was becoming desperate and all he could do was throw bombs and keep moving. With just one more throw of a bomb and Ricky flung himself to the rubble only to be swatted and slammed to the ground by a single, enormous paw. The capuchin's head rested between the first and second digits of the large cat. Penny's retracted talons unsheathed and hooked into the ground on either side of his head cracking the concrete underneath him. She leaned her head down making the pressure of her foot increase. The sound of bones creaking against stone rang out as the monkey's struggle for breath joined in the melody. The throaty growl from the large cat intensified as she bared her fangs at the monkey's face.

Sheldon finally snapped out of his spectator mode and rushed to them. He didn't know if the monkey had knowledge of how to break the Gryphon's curse so he couldn't allow Penny to kill him. He moved to where he was in front of her and began to reason with her, "Penny… I do not know what this monkey has done to anger you, but we need him alive. If he knows how to reverse the Gryphon's spell then he is more of a value alive."

The raging beast looked up at him, but didn't show a sign of registering his words. This creature was no longer the Penny he knew… this was the monster inside of her. Whoever this capuchin was; he had made enemies of a very dangerous woman. The cat opened its jaws and dipped down to take a bite and Sheldon grabbed the only thing around… a statue's arm… and flung it right at the cat. It struck her right on her pink nose.

Penny's dark teal eyes slowly crept up to meet his very regretful blue eyes. Sheldon watched the claws around the monkey crunch into the concrete below before it rose up to slam in front of the capuchin to edge closer to Sheldon. He had watched many shows on Animal Planet about humans being attacked by wild cats and remembered calling them fools and how much they deserved to get eaten. If Sheldon believed in karma, then this was definitely it.

Sheldon had never felt the fear of death as strongly as he was now. Though each step he took backwards got him further away than he was, he knew she could turn into smoke and be right above him. He did all he could think of as his mind seemed to have left him for dead, "P-Penny… please… you have to understand why I did that. N-no matter what that monkey may have done… i-i-it gives you no right to take his life. We m-may need him."

Penny's snarl got lethal and she rushed at him only to be cut off by the Bandersnatch's shark-like rows as he roared. Penny's swipe to the Bandersnatch's face left the cat's claws dull and the Bandersnatch angry. Just as that happened, Sheldon saw Ricky get up slowly then move to run… Sheldon bolted after him. That motion made the large cat's eyes follow him and she pounced, claws first.

Sheldon's body fell back as the claws nearly reached him. In slow motion, the large cat was suspended in mid air and the time caught back up as she was flung to one of the stone buildings by her tail from the Bandersnatch's mouth. Sheldon shook off the fear and rushed towards the skipping monkey. He was heading for the stone like trees but Sheldon dove and snagged the monkey's tail. He held Ricky upside down by the tip of his tail then as the capuchin reached his body up to bite his hand; Sheldon used his other arm to press the hoodie wearing trouble maker against his chest. He turned around just in time to watch the large cat manifest right in front of him.

Penny snarled and Sheldon turned around just as the large cat's claws sliced into his back. The strength of it propelled his body forward and down to the ground right on top of the monkey and all of Sheldon's thoughts came to halt and faded to black.

* * *

A small hand slapping his cheek seemed to reboot his systems. Sheldon slowly opened his eyes and saw a capuchin on his chest looking down at him with the Bandersnatch on one side and a very terrified and worried blonde on the other. Ricky jumped up and down with joy and the Bandersnatch roared happily. Ricky moved away from him as he tried to sit up. There was a burning pain on his back but that pain reminded him he was still alive. Penny, in her human form, bent down with a lament tone, "Sheldon… I am so sorry."

Sheldon stood and did not look at her, "Ricky…" The monkey looked nervous as Sheldon spoke, "… do you know how to reverse the Gryphon's spell?"

The monkey looked over Sheldon's shoulder to the cat woman but looked back at him and nodded. The monkey took his finger and wrote out a formula: **_CaSO_****_4_****_ * 2H_****_2_****_O_**.

Sheldon furrowed his brow at the chemical formula and scanned his thoughts, "That is calcium sulfate dihydrate. A mineral called Gypsum. How is that supposed to help us?"

Ricky gave a few squeaks and waved his hands as he drew on the dust of the ground again. He drew a map from where they were, down a path to a mountain like drawing then to an oval with squiggly lines inside it. Penny chimed in, "The Annul Pool."

Ricky gave a nervous nod and Sheldon shook his head, "Annul? As in to erase?"

Penny's voice was not as strong as it normally was but her words were just as helpful as they always were, "Gypsum is a type of Evaporite rock. It could possibly erase the spell on the Gryphon. Except… it could obliterate us in the process."

Sheldon turned to her and ignored the pain on his back, "Then how is this a solution if all it brings is more tribulations?" He turned back to the monkey and he just shrugged. That brought his attention to something much more dire to their current situation, "Very well, if no one is going to say anything about what just occurred a few moments ago then I shall ask…" Sheldon spun to look at a very apologetic Penny, "… when were you going to tell me you could changed into a raving monster? And most importantly, what did this monkey do to you to turn you into such a creature?"

Ricky tried to bolt, but one of the heavily armored feet of the Bandersnatch stomped on the small monkey's tail and gave him a rumbling growl as a warning.

Penny's eyes went almost human and she shoved her hands into her pockets and let out a gasped sigh, "Ricky is the Queen's assassin. They call him Ricky the Fuse. He's killed my family… Stuart's family… Bernadette's family… everyone who dares to resist the Queen has had to watch this monster walking away from the rubble that he leaves behind. LOOK AT THIS. Look at this town. There were families here. Parents who will never get to see their children grow up. Children who will never again get to hear the voices of their mother and father and brother… all because HE destroyed them!"

Sheldon looked to where she waved her arm and had her back to him. Though the people who lived here were statues, they were still thriving happily. He felt an emotion he hadn't felt since his grandfather died… sorrow for others. He could imagine happy statues with little statue children and statue dog then back to the scattered pieces and smoke of it all, now. He couldn't imagine the horror of going home to find his family mercilessly slaughtered. His eyes drifted to the side view of Penny's face and saw her lift up her sleeve and wipe her face, "And the monster?"

Penny sniffed, "That's what I really look like. This form is strictly for you."

Sheldon's eyes widened, "For me? You should look more like Diana Prince."

The cat woman smiled slightly and shocked the man a little more, "I was going for a more Kara Zor-El, Supergirl, type. Sorry, I couldn't get rid of the tail."

Sheldon looked at the beautiful woman before him and all the anger and fear he felt for her melted. He felt a very powerful throb in his chest but the pain from his back burned and snapped him out of it. He looked back at the monkey and gave a look of anger, "You are not only going to show us the way to the spring, but a safe way to remove the mineral and how to apply it to the Gryphon. If at any point you give us a hard time, I will let the Bandersnatch eat you. Do you understand?" Ricky looked back at the snarling Bandersnatch then nodded vigorously.

Sheldon looked back at Penny and the turn of his body made him hiss from pain but he pushed through, "Penny... I forgive you. I know you acted out of a past emotion that your feminine reasoning couldn't handle so you lashed out, but I need you to be yourself again. If you and YOU…" he glared back at the monkey, "… can manage to be on the same page then we can hurry this interaction along. I have a promise to fulfill and the Gryphon awaits."

The cat woman turns with slight puffy eyes but a dry face and nods. Ricky cringes from the pain of his tail but gives a curt nod. Sheldon gave a painful sigh and moves to the Bandersnatch. He asks for his foot and the beast lifts it off the monkey's tail. Sheldon reaches down and Ricky climbs up on Sheldon's shoulder. He moves to the saddle and mounts his companion. He looks back at Penny. She gives him a reassured smile before vanishing. Sheldon adjusted back into the saddle and looked up at Ricky, "You may want to hold on." He looked back down and gave out a loud 'Brillig' and they were off… with Ricky hugging Sheldon's head.

* * *

The fossil like trees and rock formed everything began to get darker. The sun never moved in the many moments Sheldon had been here. There was never night time so that wasn't it. It was like the sky was filling up with dark clouds… almost like soot. Sheldon looked up at the sky and saw a clearing… they were heading towards a very angry looking volcano.

All the trees looked like pine trees, but black with molten red pine needles. There were blobs of lava-like bushes and smoky birds floating around like ghosts. Sheldon felt like this landscape was lifeless but still had a pulse. There was a slight decline ahead and Sheldon called out 'Snicker-snack' and the Bandersnatch stopped softly, this time.

The scene before his was insane at its all time high. A river of nothing but bubbling magma surrounded the island where they needed to go. Sheldon saw movement in the neon red river. Three black, tall, orca-like dorsal fins cut through the magma then slid back down inside followed by a slick, black body like a snake arching over until a whip from the end swiftly descended. There were many others just like that all over the lake of lava and Sheldon mentally groaned. He shook his head and spoke to the monkey on his shoulder, "The hot spring is over there… isn't it?"

Sheldon looked over and saw ring of lush green plants surrounding a small little spring. They looked like a collection of 'Ōhelo kau lā au bushes from Hawaii. The 'Ōhelo berry is edible and grows best in volcanic soil. Sheldon almost questioned the fact that something made sense in this land, but his stomach didn't allow him to finish. For the first time since he got to Wonderland, Sheldon's thoughts actually warred about his schedule. He had no clue what time it was or what day they were and that should have bothered him more than it did. He shook his head loose from the worry trying to build up. Maybe he had gone mad, but for now he needed to eat, drink, and… relieve himself. He spoke out, "Lets rest first before we tackle… whatever THAT is. Over there is a verdant spot to eat and rest. When we have had our fill, we'll continue."

Sheldon hopped off the Bandersnatch with Ricky gripping him tightly. Sheldon led his albeit, strange team, to the oasis of black and red. Ricky jumped to one of the bushes and began to eat but keep a view of everyone as he did. The Bandersnatch used his giraffe tongue to pick off multitudes of berries and chomped them up. Sheldon moved inside two bushes and relieved himself on the outside of the oasis while reciting the Texas song his mother taught him. He turned back around after rearranging himself and was about to dip his hands in the water to cleanse them. He looked up at Ricky who had stopped eating and watching him with wide, almost hopeful, eyes.

Penny's tail wrapped around his waist and pulled him away before a single cell of his body could get close to the water. Sheldon looked over at the woman in shock, "What in the universe are you doing?"

Penny knew words weren't going to solve the problem, so she reached back and took a long branch that had fell to the ground then dipped it into the water until there were only a few inches of the water away from her hand. She lifted the branch and all that was left of it was the small piece left in her grip. She looked deeply at him, gave a grin, and spoke, "We're here."

Sheldon narrowed his eyes and looked over at the capuchin that was back to eating berries, "Do you know how to remove the minerals safely or should I just go ahead and feed you to the Bandersnatch?"

Ricky pulled off one of the very long and thick leaves then went to the water and carefully scooped the water into the leaf and lifted it up to show that the leaf and water stayed. He poured the water back to the pool and dropped the leaf back to the ground where it quickly decayed. Sheldon swallowed, "How much of this water will it take to cure the Gryphon?" Ricky walked over and pointed to one of the leaves and held up one finger.

Sheldon nodded and the pain from his back intensified. He fell to his knee and felt very weak as the burning was stretching out throughout his body. The Bandersnatch kept his eye on the monkey as Penny rushed to his side, "Sheldon, I'm going to have to lift your shirts up and purify your wounds. Do you trust me?"

Sheldon nodded, "Even though you gave these wounds to me… I do."

Penny moved behind him and gently raised the two layers and couldn't believe how fast her scratches had festered on the man's body. The four stripes were swollen and deep. She had to act quickly. She licked her lips then bent down and kissed the top of the first, deep stripe. She kept her lips on it until the potent salvia crept down the first wound until it was almost an invisible blemish. She licked her lips and went to the next until it matched the other. As the second one healed completely, Sheldon's weakness and incoherence vanished. He felt the coolness of the woman's lips kissing his burning skin and nearly fell into the Annul Pool. Penny grabbed him by the back band of his pants and pulled him backwards.

"You whackadoodle! If you fell into that pool, you wouldn't exist!"

"If you didn't have your lips pressed against my persons then I wouldn't have reacted that way."

"How did you expect me to sanitize the venomous wounds on your back?"

"Oh, I do not know… how about some antibacterial soap and warm water like a normal person."

"Yeah, because nothing says 'I am normal' like a human being. Look, my saliva is the only thing that would purify the toxins from my claws. Soap and water would just make it spread better. Now stand still while I finish the other two."

"I will not 'stand still' while you drool your malady on my back."

"You said you trusted me, remember. Is this how you show your trust?"

Sheldon stood almost nose to nose with a floating cat woman then he sulked in defeat at the woman's words. She smiled in victory and floated back down then added, "I can tell that you are really fun at parties." She smiled and he frowned then he spun around to present his back. She lifted his shirt very softly and couldn't help but chuckle behind his back. She floated up and took the shirt in her hands to rest on his shoulders then licked her lips and kissed the top of the first wound and she felt him tense up, but relaxed the longer she kept her kiss on his skin. When she felt the heat drift away, she lifted up. One more lick of her lips and she kissed the final wound with her head tilted and the man didn't flinch.

Sheldon's eyes were closed tightly as her lips touched his skin. The burning of his wounds couldn't compete with the heat on his cheeks now. He had no idea what to do from this point on so he just choose to not move and allow her to do what she had to do. His breathing was shallow as the beating of his heart banged against his rib cage fervently. He tried to not panic because the pain WAS slowly seeping out of his body. Her hands lifted off his shoulders and his shirt fell but the man didn't move.

"Alright, hero, let's go free the Gryphon."

Sheldon sighs and wipes at his cheek then spins around, "Yes. Yes. That's a good plan."

He moved to one of the bushes and plucked the biggest leaf he could find. With his inhumane precision, he scooped up the deadly water in the leaf and held the leaf like a tea cup. He took another leaf and wrapped it over the top of the cup leaf then moved to the Bandersnatch and took the Oraculum from under the saddle. He looked at the Bandersnatch, "Bandie… keep an eye on that monkey and I'll be back for you."

The Bandersnatch gave a groaning bark and Sheldon smiled. He kept the covered leaf in his hand as he pulled open the tab of the Oraculum with his mouth. The picture clouded up and Sheldon spoke softly, "Please take me to the Gryphon."

There was a jerk, but not as strong as the one used to pull him and the Bandersnatch. Everything blurred like looking out a side window of a traveling car and eventually, the Gryphon was right in front of him. The stop wasn't as jerky and Sheldon took in the calculations of mass and speed to the force used to travel. The Oraculum snapped shut and he put the scroll on the ground then uncovered the leaf cup and stepped to the statue. He had to get the entire rocked body wet with the small amount of silver colored water he had. With a steady hand, he swept the water over the top of the Gryphon until the last drop splashed at the tip of the tail. He stepped back, picked up the Oraculum, and waited… and not very long.

The grey shell literally melted away. The feathers on the head were auburn and went to honey brown and deep gold down the body until the black tip fur on the tail. The lower parts of its body were still covered in rock but the Gryphon didn't have the patience to wait for the water. It freed its powerful wings and snapped them out to thrash the wind around it and launch itself into the air to free itself completely. The call that rang out from its pale yellow beak was like a bird's roar and it rippled within the massive walls around them. When the Gryphon's taloned paws touched back down, the orange eyes turned to look at Sheldon.

Sheldon gripped the Oraculum and stood tall where he was; only two inches taller than the majestic creature. The Gryphon moved towards him and he tried to show no fear but the slight tremors in his extremities were hard to control. When the creature was only a few feet away it stopped, staring into his eyes with deep amber eyes, and stretched its wings out to its full 1365 centimeters. The underside of the creature's wings was brighter with greens, yellows, and reds. He watched as the wings tilted downwards to show its golden side and Sheldon watched the Gryphon kneel before him. When it stood back up there was a slight grin on its beak. He had gained another ally and he was only one more beast away from getting the army he needed against the Jabberwocky.


End file.
